What is happening with my life?

wow, it has been 6 years since i last visited this place. i am somehow making a return because i need to find refuge. a place of calmness, my own fortress of solitude. to be honest, life hasnt been good and hasn't been bad as well. or am i saying that to try to gaslight myself into thinking things are not all too bad? God knows.. or maybe i know as well but i am in the state of denial. one thing for sure, my mental state at the moment is in shambles! hahaha what's new? life's trajectory? lol guess what? i thought i could launch my life like a functioning adult, guess who is currently stagnant if not spiraling down into a mess? me, i am a mess! i am single and unmarried, something i planned to do when i was 25, lol i'm 7 years too late already. i also planned to further my studies, well that didnt work as well, in fact, the whole work got stopped! hahaha these laughs are not funny, it's a cry for help. work wise, i am doing average to below average. after years of underappreciation, i am sort of done with it. i even got transferred, applied not forced uopn and even that can't help me bring back my lost motivation. i wonder how did the overachiever in me died within just a few years. the poison was strong i guess. life hasn't been nice to me and i havent been nice to myself either. i shoud start a year of forgiveness and the first person i should forgive is.. myself.