my birthday..

huhu.. so people.. my birthday fall on the 14th november.. and like every other year, i celebrate it with great moderation because i dont really fancy big celebration.. OMG, i just find out that i shared the same birthday with Tyson Ballou (the guy from D&G ads), Yuna (Malaysia's new singing act) and Prince Charles (the guy who got married to someone nice and still fall for an old hag).. what a powerful bunch.. i hope im going to be that powerful also some day..
so, lets talk about this year's celebration.. let me just put it in one word.. nice and simple.. wait.. that a phrase.. whatev.. and mostly homemade.. which made it so special.. hah, no place is better than your home.. and this year is all about family.. no friends were involved since everyone is so occupied with personal matters.. but i dont mind.. family first.. and of course no loved one.. haha.. i dont mind that either.. the celebration is all about food and talk.. hah.. love it..
oh, something to brag.. i baked my own cake.. a double layer strawbery and chocolate cake with chocolate coating and strawbery chips sprinkled on it.. and it tasted good.. haha.. Gosh, i do know how to cook.. but, i just dont want to.. haha
people, im one year older and really hope that im one year wiser too..

*happy*

Of not knowing the limit..

Okie, now I’m feeling like Bob from Monsters vs Aliens.. when he got confused about Ginormica’s boyfriend to be his own because he heard about that guy too much.. yup.. now I’m confused whether my friend’s partner is my own because everything that happened between them is told to me and even the unnecessary details.. unnecessary I mean private.. yup.. he just pass the boundary of sharing with a friend.. and some things told are so explicit, I was gawking and feeling disgusted as I’m listening.. yet, I don’t have the courage to say it directly to his face to stop telling me the unnecessary details.. I wish I could say “you know what, I just don’t freaking care.. because that person is with you.. not me”.. then I realized the same thing also happened to the partner side.. my friend keep relating the partner to me and comparing both of us.. say what man.. if I were the partner, obviously I would be offended.. it is like if your friend is so much like me, then am I special for you or not?.. from what you’re telling me.. im no different than your friend.. what is the whole point of the relationship.. that is what I would feel if im the partner.. some people are just blinded by emotion they can’t see the reality.. I have asked about this to my other friends and I got mixed reviews.. some said that it is positive and most said that it is negative.. especially about the private details.. that should be kept to yourself only.. take it out when asked or necessary only.. arghh.. I seriously don’t know how to say it to him without offending him.. because this has gone too far..

Then, there is also another friend of mine who constantly talks about his partner.. no matter during a guys nite out or a simple hanging around in the room.. there will always be a topic about the partner being talked.. OMG.. and it repeats by itself.. sometimes I could predict what is the next word that will come out from his mouth.. but I just ignore it.. sometimes I don’t really listen to what he got to say because it is none of my concern.. but in this case of this friend of mine at least I know who the partner is.. so, it is okay and I admit the partner is nice.. but the other one.. I don’t even know who the hell the person is and not keen to find out..

Back then, I used to do the same to a friend of mine.. but at that time my relationship was on the verge of breaking up.. it is normal for people to talk about their partner excessively when they are about to breakup.. it is because of the heartache.. but when you’re happy with the relationship and start to tell everything.. it nauseates people.. and im just wondering.. are you doing it to see whether im jealous or not.. well, newsflash.. I don’t care.. that is no reason to be jealous.. unless that person is my ex.. or crush.. then yeah.. if not.. I just don’t give a damn.. and don’t blame me if something happened between me and the person because you triggered it.. haha..

*I wish I was meaner.. the old me I mean*

i thought i have..

i thougt i have forgotten you.. i thought you bring no significance to my anymore..i thought i have got over you.. but i guess im not.. you still play a part in my life.. everytime i hear our song played in the air.. my eyes go teary.. air rushed out of my lungs.. i still deeply attached to you.. although i was the one who asked you to forget me.. stupid me.. i just cant help myself.. im weak without you.. but i would never admit that in front of you..

sometimes i regret the time when we were together.. i always show that expressionless face.. no matter what you did for me.. when you sing me the song.. i wanted to cry.. but i stopped myself.. i will never looked weak in front of you.. i never follow what i always wanted to do.. and i regret all that now.. how i missed you.. and your warmth..

seriously.. i pray i could forget you.. but for now.. i still cant..

*crying with a stern look*

im tired of all these..

seriously, i need to lessen my post okie.. i been posting like.. everyday these days.. so, i decided to make a gap between each post.. lol.. haha.. it has been a few days now.. so, it is okie for me to do so.. haha.. justifying my own wrongdoing.. so, now is the time for my finals.. and im so not ready for it.. and seriously not in the mood of having any examination.. huhu.. lol.. DL.. i dont think i could get it.. but i do hope i get it.. lol.. i need to motivate myself to study.. haha.. but i just cant find a way how to motivate myself.. assistance people.. if only i could put my mind and goal straight.. to get a first class degree.. so that i need not pay the loan.. haha.. wrong reason.. let just hope i'll find a way to study.. and be motivated..

then, life matters.. hmm.. things nowadays are going quite find.. i am still able to control myself.. and im still in love with the same person.. now, impossible no. 2 is out of the game.. just leave no.1 and 3.. haha.. i just lost my interest in no.2.. i think we are not more than just friends.. but im still hoping for no. 1.. these days have shown me something.. people in love do crazy things.. haha.. i bet i did those also before.. only being on the receiving end is rather appalling.. and some just do not know the limit when to stop telling stories.. haha.. i mean the very private details.. euww.. please.. keep it to yourself.. i dont want okie..

OMG.. now i knowhow it feels like to be short in money.. damn.. it's hard.. i wish i never had to endure it again.. ever again.. okie.. it's like you can have anything that you want.. or need.. hah.. you have to stop shopping.. the worst of all.. let just hope thhose who owed me money pay back okie.. im desperate for it..

*updated*

loving the impossible..

i dunno what is wrong with me.. among all the possible people that i could fall in love with.. i fall in love with someone.. okie 3 person to be exact who are.. impossible to grasp.. i call them The Impossibles.. th people that i know not in a million years will i get my hands on.. so, yesterday i met one of the impossibles.. and he accidentally touched my hand.. i felt a sudden rush of excitement.. a feeling that has not visited me for quite some time now.. and impossible no. 1 dont even realise about it.. lol.. then, later that day, during dinner.. i met impossible no. 2.. i just realised that he just got cuter and hotter.. haha.. and all the time i was talking to him.. i hardly contain my feeling.. haha.. now, im longing to see impossible no. 3.. the one that grabs my attention since a year ago.. it has been a hile since i last see no. 3.. no. 3 is the first person who captures my heart due to personality.. not good look.. huhu.. seriously, loving the impossibles is just heart wretching.. i know i could never get them yet i hope for their embrace all the time.. they are the people who could make me cry because of love.. i dont do that anymore.. they rekindled that feeling in me..

*love in secrecy*

my 100th post.. and it is all about love...

huhu.. i never thought that this day would come.. where i write my 100th post.. and all is done in less than a year.. hell yeah, i babble a alot people.. haha.. so, to celebrate my 100th post.. im going to do something that i have never done before.. putting song lyrics in my post.. and the song is..

"Make You Feel My Love" by Adele

When the rain is blowing in your face,
And the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear,
And there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love.

I know you haven't made your mind up yet,
But I would never do you wrong.
I've known it from the moment that we met,
No doubt in my mind where you belong.

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,
I'd go crawling down the avenue.
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret.
Though winds of change are throwing wild and free,
You ain't seen nothing like me yet.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn't do.
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,
To make you feel my love

the lyrics of this song is so meaningful to me now.. i want that person so much and i would do anything to make that person feel my love.. but yet, i dont think that person even realised about my existence.. and all i can do is see.. nothing else i can do.. some people say.. widen your horizon Sai.. look at other people too.. but im glued.. i cant help it.. all i want is the person.. and the person only.. no one could substitute..

i wish i have the courage to just go and approach.. and tell everything that i feel to the person.. but im scared.. im not used to rejection.. usually, people will always notice me.. for my awkwardness and my atypical look and figure.. but the person act indifferent and not even care whenever im around.. and of all people who give me attention.. the one i got stuck with and wanting the embrace so much is the person who care the least about me.. maybe this is what we say.. we always want what we could not get.. seriously, how i long for just a simple "hi" or gesture from the person to verify that i existed in the person's world..

hah, so that's it for my 100th post.. huhu.. more stories on love.. haha

*happy for the blog, longing for the love*

im pissed off..

okie.. today i will write about something that piss me off.. okie, not something but some people.. they just dont know how to look at things.. okie.. when you one of their teammates is not capable of his own work.. they dare to come and approach.. not to offer help.. but to add more burden.. Say what women.. you can see that your friend is in trouble and you add more.. thank you so much.. and they have nothing to do while the others struggle like hell.. and they can say that they have done their job.. hello, that is not even my job.. i dont even have any idea what the outcome was.. and i have to make up my own idea to write.. while doing my unfinished work.. for this kind of people, i just have one line for you guys.. you got no love from me.. you dare to mess with me.. you guys took the least reponsibility.. and act as if nothing wrong has being done.. hello women.. after this.. i shall never work with you guys anymore.. you guys are the worst lazybums, selfish, unholy, disgusting, horrid, nasty, inconsiderate, heartless bitches.. Go to hell hell with both of yourself.. i mean it literally..

*pissed to the limit*