i should have not done it..

i cannot sleep right now. i am very much bothered by what i have done. what have i done? do not i know that toying with someone's feeling is not good and been played before, have not i learned anything? gosh, people, please kick some senses in me. and the reason for my action? none since i am doing it for fun sake. gosh, i feel so evil right now. i feel as if i am betraying someone, worse, myself.

it all started with that stupid message from a friend of mine. not really that close but we have shared stories, so the friend is in the circle. the message stated that the friend wants to be with my ex. not just any ex, my first ex. the one that was my benchmark, the reason i could not find anyone for the next one year plus, the one that first changed me, the one that was the hardest to let go, the reason for my Katy Perry period. yup, the first ex. to be frank, at first, when i read the message, i was not mad or feeling anything since i have moved on from the person. besides, i am still not yet move on from my current breakup, which is sadly last november. then, the friend called asking for confirmation whether it is okie. friend, over there, you just step out of your borderline. i am a nice person but when you pushed me too far, i retaliate. and that is just what i did. anyway, i say it is okie for them to be together. like i would even care. i am over you by the way.

it came to me what if i just give that ex a simple phone call. well, our friendship(?) has been rough this last years since that ex ask for space and want to start acting like ex-es. you know what that means? well, you hate each other, can look in the face, due to all the memories and stuff. whatta? anyway, i made an innocent phone call this afternoon. let me repeat, innocent phone call to the ex number. anyway, i was just testing since the person used to not answer my call. but, i was using my other number and the person answered it. started with a simple hello and immediately recognised the voice. gosh, like seriously you still remember? i thought after those years, i shall be forgotten. it looks like no. haha. then we talked about everything. about the current relationship and what has happened. is it me or all my ex just love to ask me if there is any that i am interested in? why? do i look like someone who needs relationship all the time? no i am not. the talked went on to a lot of other topic like studies, life and stuff. got low on credits later, so i hung up. politely. with prior notice.

but it did not stop there, the ex called me. this time around doing the usual thing the person usually does when calling me back then. the i-dont-love-you-on-the-mouth-but-i-am-in-love-with-you-deep-inside kind of thing. how do i know this? well, being with the same person for two years and a half and suffered 4 major breakups with the same person will teach you quite a number of things about that person. i got thrilled by the game. call me evil but i said yes to the game offer. haha. gosh, i feel so bad. i know i should not be doing this but i think i am trapped in the game i started. and i dont have the authority now. we both do. haha. i just want to see how far will this go. to reconcile? nah, i dont feel like it. lesson learned. hehe

to my dear friend, sorry if i disturbed your relationship. blame it on yourself for telling me and made me think of the ex again. i do not mean to do a lot of harm, just a little. call me evil, well, i am. haha. do not worry. i am in no intention of stealing your current partner. only that, your partner was mine and i still have influence on the person.

*guilty pleasure*