Of losing weight and gaining it..

People keep on asking me to lose more weight. I want it too. But seriously it is hard to do so. Okie, I had tremendous weight loss before, like 28 kilos in a few months. However, I was an anorexic back then. I eat like seriously little and I could say far from satisfactory. However, I feel full due to the anorexic mindset. Omg, if only you guys know how hard it is to get out from anorexia nervosa. I even had a counseling session from my mum since she had been seeing me not eating at all. But that was all in the past.

Now, I am fat. Like seriously fat. I do not like it. I prefer the skinny me more. Well, I was never real skinny, even during anorexia, I was more to love (haish, I hate this phrase like from the moon and back) but now, I am just fat. I need to lose weight but the situation is not really supportive. Tension increases weight. Fact. I live in a stressful environment. Fact. Hence, I am fat. Fact also. Huhu, losing weight is so difficult.

Once, I had a thought of resorting back to anorexia. Luckily someone talked to me and made me back on my senses of how bad is anorexia. Hey, I know all the fact about anorexia but I just feel like doing it. It gives me happiness by going up on the scale and look at my weight going down, and down and down. I want that again to happen to me.

Huhu, now I am searching for the best way to lose weight and how to feel full for long. Hope going to find one soon.

*worrying*