Saturday, July 7, 2012

Silent midnight stroll..

I was bored. I was lonely. I was jaded. I was not driven. Everything was a dread. I tried to look for some excitement. All I found was discontentment. I don’t know. I was mad, in both meanings. Memories flew through me. Stepped on my heart, left a footprint. I cried. But no tears came out. Ego was playing its role there. But I want to ask you, Ego, from who are you protecting me from? No answer. Guessed so. Then, I made my move. Slowly, I picked up the necessaries with the thought that what if luck were not on my side? What if this was the night where I might be robbed? What if this is the last night all my senses will be used? For one last time. But, I mustered up my wit and said, so what? You will die, when it’s due. I walked, out of the room, out of the house, aimlessly. I was just walking, with no specific direction. I looked around. Looked at people. Looked at expression. Look at emotions. Looked at light. Looked at darkness. I feel empty, insignificant, unimportant and best of all, drugged by unhealthy mental state. What I felt was numbness. Who says you need drugs to feel dissociated? It is all a mind game. Then, I reached the junction. I stopped. I looked at the bus stop thinking, should I go there, like olden days to come to my senses or not, to just stay and look around. I decided on the later. I just took a look around me and then it struck me. I am just a small insignificant creature in the middle of a quiet night, standing like an idiot at a junction, waiting for something to happen. But what? I don’t know. What I know is life is not something I want to pursue. I’m done.