Tuesday, January 14, 2014

It finally ends..

After 5 and a half years, I am finally able to say that everything has come to an end. Well, I am talking about my studies. Handing in that big purple hardbound copy of my mini thesis which was my final assignment ever felt like lifting off a huge burden from my shoulder. I am now free to roam the world and make my steps in the working world. I am not keen in continuing my studies, for now, but who knows what lies in the future right. As for now, I am still relaxing and digesting the fact before finally set myself on a job hunt.

It was not easy opening that shackles off my feet so I can move freely. How many sleepless nights and mental breakdowns had I gone through just to make sure I finished it. I admit, I did get jaded half way through but I persevered till the end because I needed to prove to myself that I am worthy of something and I could finish something in life. To be honest, I doubted I will see this day.. But I am glad it is finally here..


Wednesday, January 8, 2014

i held on to that promise till the end..

22nd December. another date in my life that i find it hard to forget now. well, on one point it's my mum's birthday but now, it will also be your wedding anniversary. yes, on 22nd December 2013, that was the last of anything that could or might happen between us. i know i am stupid for unable to let you go despite being separated for a good 3 years, but seriously, how am i ever going to get over you easily when you had been the source of my strength for such a long time? pfft, i am such a masochist and a melancholic one.

however, i think i now realise why i remain bound to you despite that. we had that promise. the promise that we will be each other's until we truly find the one we know for us. yeah, our relationship is one heck of a weird boat and seriously, no one else should come aboard on such a ship, too rocky and constantly fighting with huge tides. but yeah, i hold on to that promise, until that day you make it official with the one you choose.

to be honest, now, i feel rather empty but one thing for sure, i feel free. i am no longer bound to you. you are now a past for me, this time for real. i am no longer carrying the burden of the past with me. i can now move on. thanks for being a part of my life and i will cherish those memories we made together, the better and the worst. treat your partner well, i know you could.

*burden lifted*

of waiting and uncertainties..

ugh, i hate waiting. it makes me anxious as heck! i hate living in uncertainties. i am a planner hence i must know everything before i make my move. however, at the moment, i am doing nothing, i am just waiting. waiting for an answer that will end my misery. ugh, how much do i want this wait to be over? everything because this answer i am waiting will be the determiner of whether my life could proceed or not. to be honest, in this span of few months, i have been put in this situation multiple times. i hate this feeling of not knowing when can i do something. it's like being crippled. ugh, please, i just want to end everything!!!

i am such a control freak huh? whatever that is not within my control makes me anxious. i should really need to learn how to calm down.. but seriously? this is a crazy time to be chilling out. i need to get things over and done with.

*losing my sanity*