Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Not allowed to give up..

As mentioned earlier, I wanted to somehow extend my studies due to my inability to finish my mini thesis. Much to my surprise, I was not allowed to extend by the person who actually holds the future of my studies. How grateful I am to hear such a news. Although time is running out, but with the help, I might be able to graduate. If this semester is not my last, then next sem will be a hollow one for I will complete it at least. Now, I do believe in second chances..

Saturday, June 22, 2013

First time on mobile..

So, I just downloaded Blogger on mobile. Well, I really think this is a good idea because sometimes switching on your computer can be such a hassle. Trust me, I'm a real lazybum.. Guess more updates will be updated then.. Haha.. So far, I'm loving it.. Given the fact that my phone screen size is adequate enough for two hands typing.. Till then.. This is not an add.. Im not paid, just sharing.. Google, you can pay me if you want.. Im doing a free ad here.. Hahaha

picking up the pieces..

i know this is too late but i will do my best to fix this. oh, i mean my current situation. how grateful i am for i have finished my internship. the problem was the work, not my colleagues, they were magnificent. could not ask for better ones. helpful and all. the only problem is my aptitude does not suit the work line. luckily i was given the chance to figure that out early. if not, i might die of heartache at really young age. haha

so now, only one thing left in front of me between my graduation and i. it is my mini thesis. yes, mini. i know it is my own fault for not doing it in the first place but you know, the idea of unable to pursue with what you wanted is underwhelming. however, it is my fault for dwelling in the abyss for way too long. i am usually strong willed, but with so many hateful things happening around me and being in constant annoyance with myself and the life, i have become weak. this is actually the first time i decided to ditch studies when it has always been my escapism. call me a geek, nerd or dork, i am guilty as charged.

i know now it is too late already to begin with and maybe finish in time, but you know what, i will just do it for the sake of satisfying myself. this is what i am good at, studying. i should be able to do this. i should do it for myself, not for others. as for grading, this would be one time that i will not fret on whatever that i will get because i know, this maybe seems like a rush work for you supervisor, but for me, this is my self redemption to myself. i owe this to me.

Friday, June 14, 2013

submitting.. to fate or defeat?

at the moment, i am hopeless and i am helpless. i have no idea what came over me and unable me to progress with life and studies to be precise. it is somehow i am stuck in a loop of stupidity and i cannot seem to snap out of it. i have been acting like i dont care when it is all in my head most of the time. then, i think of the consequences of abandoning it to me and others. i can foresee the future if the choice were made, but i cannot seem to kick myself to start. i am scared, no, to be honest, i am terrified by my own self. how indifferent by cognitive can be when my emotional is in turmoil. since when did the two part of myself decided to disassociate from each other? since when did i lose all control of my mind? since when did i became accepting to fate? since when did i start believing in fate and silver lining? since when did i succumb to defeat? so many questions, so little time left and if i am unable to get myself out of this abyss, i know i will stay in it for at least an eternity..

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Struck by lightning..

have you ever watched a movie and later become afraid to move on with life because your life is exactly like the movie and the movie did not end well? well, that is Struck by Lightning to me. i see my life the way Carson saw his. no one around you understands you and you somehow speak in a different frequency or brain wavelength to others. you have a dream that you want to pursue and your really hope people agree with you and your dreams. the truth is, nobody cares. some even have the heart to destroy the dream you have. then, you saw your doom. you feel like life worth nothing and you give up in hope. then, somehow a sprinkle of hope appears in your mind and you feel rejuvenated and believe that life will be better after this for you. just when you start to be positive again, BAM, you got struck by lightning, died and your body was discovered only after 3 days.

well, as for me, so far, i have gone through most of what he had gone through. the only thing left is finding that sprinkle of hope and start looking at life positively again. somehow, due to that movie, i dreaded that moment. i am somehow afraid that the ending of this movie will be the same for me as well. struck by lightning without having a chance to prove myself and make my existence worthy. i know it is crazy to refer my life to a movie but it felt so real, i am scared..

here's the trailer if you guys are interested in the movie