Sunday, February 28, 2010

Im writing about.. something that is being repeated over and over again..

Well, today I attended a seminar ( module as it is called), on the usual stuffs.. I cannot say what was the topic because of sensitivity, but if you are Malaysians, you will surely know what are the topics that are being discussed.. because it has been repeated over and over again in the education system and going to be repeated again once I step into the working world too.. damn, im bored of it.. yes, we have to know it to know our rights, but if it is constantly repeated, it somehow loses it attraction.. remember, if you have the same meal, although it is your favorite, everyday.. it will lose it appeal later and does not appeal anymore.. this principle applied in this case too.. when you keep on repeating the same thing over and over again, people will somehow look pass through it as it has lose it appeals.. and yes people said, people who did not learn from their history, will repeat history.. but in this case, people who know history keep on repeating the facts of history and live their life there, and never move on..

*tired of this*

(offline comment)

by AJ Hadzmy

I think rite, Malays are the race who take things for granted, who likes to put themselves at risk. And when those things happen, I wont blame the other races who want to take over. And org tua yg slalu bwat masalah bukan org muda. Pg la ceramah kat die org. hahahahahha.

Monday, February 22, 2010

being in a middle of two friends,, who dont talk to each other..

okie, sometimes life just love to play games on me.. and one of its favourite game is putting me in a very awkward situation.. and the usual player would be of course me, and my friends.. family hardly join this game.. only occasionally.. one of the recent game hat life had forced me to play is giving present from someone whom the other hated so much and tell the giver what is the result.. okie, i have played this game twice and what i could conclude from the game is the problem is severe and beyond repair.. but is not for me to solve as they themselves need to resolve it themselves.. im just an irrelevant part of the whole situation..

okie, let just call them A and B.. it started with A asking me to give B the present for B's birthday a week back.. i dreaded to do so because previously, i failed the game, and this time, it is no exception.. but, because im a friend, i agreed to do so.. so, i went up to my class and saw B.. i immediately gave B the present and said that it is from A as i dont want any misunderstanding.. then, when B know it, B told me that B actually wanted to give back all A's presents back to A as B doesnt want to have anything to do with A anymore.. i insisted on B to accept the gift, but B keep on refusing.. i finally gave up and returned the gift back to A.. but i never told A what B have said.. A ended up giving the present to someone else.. fine, okie with me..although i know deep inside A is rather disturbed by it..

oie, so i dont know why life just love to put me in the middle of something that i am not involved at all.. and finally got affected by it.. but seriously, maybe life see me as the way the problems could be solved.. or it just love my attitude who just play along.. no matter i want it or not.. but still.. Life, please put me in a better position okie next time..

*life's a bitch*

Friday, February 19, 2010

Im writing about.. changing myself..

Hmm, looks like I am going to be twenty this year.. so, I am going to a young adult.. bye teenage years.. you have given me a long time to decide on who I want to be when I am an adult.. however, I realized one weird thing about myself.. usually people say that you will have hormonal imbalance when you are transcending from a child to teenagers.. but I am having it now.. when I am changing from teenager to a young adults.. I somehow acted as if I am a 40 years old guy who had enough with life and not wanting to have fun the young people way.. weird.. but it is just me.. and did I mentioned about my love and passion for sophisticated kind of entertainment.. can you imagine a 20 years old man finding himself amused by theatre performances and is more willing to join a boring dinner party with old people talking about world matters than have fun with friends in clubs and meeting new people… well, that is the current me.. OMG, I sound so old.. yet, I haven’t reach 20..

So, I am thinking to myself it is about time I change myself.. I must act my age.. because I don’t want to be thinking about death by the time I am 40 for maturing to early.. haha, I know by now it is a laughing matter but if you think again hardly, it is possible.. or worst, I will be moping for missing my young age due to want to look matured and sophisticated too early.. and finally find myself in a middle of middle age crisis.. where I will act as if I am younger although it is appropriate for some to call me uncle.... yucks.. I just don’t want to be like that.. it is beyond acceptable..

So, Sai.. you need to change yourself.. have fun while you can.. without forgetting your responsibilities and obligations of course.. people, help me to do so okie..


Monday, February 15, 2010

i just feel like writing..

this post is written without a purpose.. i just have the tinge in my heart saying that i need to write or i would go crazy.. seriously, this semester lacks of writing.. to dat, i could count how many essays have i written for academic purposes.. as for blog, not as much as last semester.. maybe i got distracted with other stuff or the subjects this semester do not require many writing.. but still, i love writing.. although my writing is not good and my handwriting is barely readable.. but i love it..

writing gives freedoms to words which are stuck in my head.. and it somehow show who we are inside.. because what we say is usually not what we write.. if speaking wise.. im rather mean.. i curse a lot and full of sarcasm.. however, when it comes to writing, im more polite and courteous.. haha.. in layman term.. lame..

that is the reason why i write.. that is the reason..


Wednesday, February 10, 2010

i dont want that to be true..

have you ever had someone you adore so much.. because of his or her charisma and aura.. and the feeling of the person is impossible to get.. which make you adore him or her even more?? well, that is what im currently feeling towards someone.. i adore seeing the person from far and somehow realised the fact that he is way beyond reach.. but that is okie because i love his good looks, his great charisma and his aura when he walks among crowd.. he stands up from others.. but recently, i shared this feeling to a friend and my friend told me something that somehow disturbed me.. concerning him.. something that for others, they going to see this as good news and opportunity, but not me.. i just feel that it is just so wrong..

it is wrong because i see him as a role model.. and being a role model, you somehow must be at least acceptable in all aspects of your life.. and knowing there is something wrong with your role model is just bad.. you dont see him or her as someone to look up to anymore.. you start to think he or she is nothing more than just a overrated normal guy or girl.. damn.. i dont like this feeling okie.. i just hope what my friend told me is not true..

*hoping for the better*

Sunday, February 7, 2010

living without phone = DISASTER!!

*Caution: Long Entry*

Have you ever imagine living without phone in today’s world scenario? Where communication is the key or should I say essential in everyday life? Well, I made myself leave my phone and or in my case, I shall call it matter of communication for one whole day. I could say that leaving my phones is by far one of the hardest things I have done in my life. I had experienced such an encounter before where my phone went off for approximately four hours at the faculty and I was all hay-wired and cranky all of the sudden due to being unable to communicate through them (yes, them. I have two phones). Let me conclude the day as almost disastrous and unproductive.

First, I am going to say about my state of mind on that day. It was everywhere. My mind kept on thinking about my phone and the possibility that people might have contacted me through calls or messages. Before that, I slept at my friends’ place as I have no alarm to wake me up as my phone used to serve that purpose, now my friends is my new alarm. Thus waking up, I was so scared to fall asleep again as I might overslept and missed my class, so I busy myself up. I did my laundry just to ensure I was awake. Then, after looking at the time on my roommates’ clock, I rushed to the bus stop to get to the faculty. And let me just say that I was so disturbed. My fingers were always moving as if I am texting someone and I kept on checking my pocket for phone. I was distressed by the fact that my phones were not there. One of the reasons would be not knowing what time was it at the moment. However, things are about to get worse once I arrived at the faculty.

Once I arrived, most people say about how distressed do I looked. I answered by saying my phone is not here. And there were some faces showing more to fear than shocked to know the fact. The worst part was seeing others with them and knowing mine is somewhere in my closet. But I pulled myself together and said to myself “I will survive the day”. Barely. One annoying fact about me that day was I kept on asking about time. I should get a watch in the near future I think. Then, I keep on ogling at others’ phone as I am somehow envious towards them. You could see how attached am I to my phone. They mean the world to me. For now that is. Without my phone by my side, I have no idea when will my class ends. This left me anxious and making me to questioned the time. As a result, I suffered from depravity of concentration in my classes that day. Oh, I must say that I picked the busiest day of my week to leave my phone. That was a very smart choice, not.

Now, I am going to share what I have missed throughout the day. From my phone point of view that is. First, there was a message asking about my friend’s well being because he was aggravated by one of our friend’s behavior earlier on. Which I have full access to the problem and yet could not answer the question. Then, there were several missed calls from a particular friend of mine. And he confronted me in the faculty earlier on about it. He was asking about classes and what does he need to do and he cannot remember his group for an assignment. He did receive the answer, only later because I could not answer my phone. Luckily there were none from my family pertaining family matters.

I also faced several misfortunes by not having my phone around. One of it was did not know that a class was cancelled. Thus, it makes me rushed all the way from the library only to find that the class is empty and my friends were hanging out at TESL square. Then, I wanted to share my music interest with a friend of mine, as she never heard any song from a singer that I loved so much. So, I put y hand in the pocket and grab for my phone. Wait, it was not there. Therefore, I cannot share the music with her then. Another thing that happened on that day was we being locked outside the class for the keys could not be found. I, being the students who always have credits in my pone was to be asked to call the person who have the key, but cannot do so for my phone was locked inside my closet. Later that evening, my friend wanted to go to the night market to buy themselves some dinner and they wanted to go with me. However, they have to wait for me at the bus stop and finally say it directly to me. Pity them for the wait. But it is just that my phone was not around.

As a conclusion, I could say that phone is one of the biggest necessities in my life right now. If phone were never invented, we might not feel the burden of not having it. But since it has become a part of our lives, it is just something that we cannot live without. With the convenience that it provides to us, it is just unimaginable to live without it right now, in today’s world situation.

Monday, February 1, 2010

i just want to settle down..

it's weird okie for someone at the age of barely 20 wanted to stay put and have a stable relationship.. well, that is me.. somehow, i feel like i had enough of all the lovegame i played all these while.. i just want to fine someone stable and could love me for a long time.. im tired of meeting new people and hang around once or twice only not to go out anymore.. or worst, meet once and no more.. seriously, i want to settle down..

i want to have someone that i will spend my weekend with.. doing things together and share our problems together.. i want commitment in relationship.. not games.. i want someone who i can rely on when im in trouble.. someone who i know will always love me no matter what may come in the future.. that is what i want.. not someone who says to me "let's go out on a date, have fun...' blah,blah,blah.. send me home and that's it.. i dont want that..

*i want to settle down*