Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Looking back..

Yesterday, I stroll into my FB account for no apparent reason. I just feel like doing it. Then, I stumbled upon my collection of notes. Some are from way before, back in my foundation year. Upon reading it, memories are recalled. Sweet and bitter combined. Friendship, relationship and any other ship that I have put myself aboard. OMG, how different I was back then. I was more confident, random and seriously, more fun to hang out with. I was always known for my loudness.

Now, I am just a boring person. A person who would rather die and rot in his room than to go out and have fun. A guy who thinks about everything critically and analytically until finally decided to stop from doing anything. Oh my, how time has changed me. I am also not as loud as before, not as wild and certainly, not as fun.

So, I am thinking to revert back to the old me, but still keeping the positive sides of the new me. This is because I realised back then I was happier and livelier. Life certainly was better. I want life now is better. Hence, changes should be made and friends, I will try to say yes to every single chances of having fun. Hehe

*old is gold*

Monday, November 15, 2010

Goodbye initial 1..

For the past 10 years of my life, I have been telling people about how long have I been on this earth by stating numbers with initial of 1. But, form today onwards, 14 November 2010, I shall introduce myself using initial 2. Haha, such a weird intro for a blog entry huh? Actually I am writing about my 20ty birthday. Finally, the day has come. I am officially old huhu (TOT).. I do not remember who among us who create the rule that if you are 20, then you are officially old. It is because when you tell people “hey, I am 19”, people will mostly reply “you are still young’ but when you say “I’m 20” people will say “okie” instead. That ‘okie’ stands for politically correct answer of you are old.. There I go, talking about how bad it is being old.

Come to think again, there is nothing wrong with being old. Actually it is kind of fun. Finally, you are allowed to feel mad and scold little children without them retaliating back to you for you have authority now. Then, you can make old and matured remarks and not being scrutinised for it. It is actually cool to be old. So, I am so embracing it with positive mind. Hello 20!!

Oh, about the birthday. Nothing much actually. Woke up at my usual time. Then, saw the long-time-no-see nasi lemak on the kitchen table. Hmm, love the taste, it never change. Then, watch tv, went for lunch at the now-typical restaurant for my family and then bought myself a cake. Yup, decided to buy instead of baking since everyone is so lazy to do so. Cooked for dinner, called my cousin and auntie, my sister and her husband and had dinner. That sums up everything. Nothing fun happened in between events. Huhu, boring..

Whatever it is, I am glad that I have safely lived on this earth for 20 years. Yeay..


The same feeling all over again..

Human are known to be such an insatiable creature. We can never feel satisfied with what we have. Being a human myself, I am no exception. I still remember, back in SA, how I want to be somewhere else. Especially home. Life is such a dread over there. So, when I finally got the chance to come back home, I am more than glad. But, once I am here, I am happy, but only for a moment. I got bored easily here. I wonder how I survived the past 18 years of my life here. Okie, maybe back then I am not so active and I do not have much freedom. Hence going out was never an option. But now I have seen the world on my own set of eyes and move on my own set of feet, not being able to feel such freedom is dreadful. Huhu, now I understand what my other friend said when he told me that back in his hometown, he will miss SA. Guess what? I am feeling it too.

Seriously, I need to fill my free time. I feel like going to work. But I am a bit choosy. Okie, not a bit, a lot actually *shame*. I don’t want to work in food industry although that is the industry that provide most working chances. I would rather work as handyman than working as a food server. I don’t know why. Maybe because I loathe food nowadays. Seriously, I don’t fancy food anymore. Eating is not really a compulsory now. The reason for eating right now is to continue living and that is it. Huhu. Goodness sake, I am bored. Need to do something important and fulfilling now. So that I don’t feel like my life is wasted all over again. Plus, not doing anything might add to my weight.. OMG!!

*dead bored*

Digital downturn..

Okie, the title here stands for two purposes. First is I am telling about my current situation. I am back in my hometown and I have no internet connection. Huhu, this is so sad since I cannot go online as much as I usually do back in SA. But I will start writing offline blogposts like I usually do when I am home. So sorry, updates will be very late and few.

Another would be the topic that I am discussing right now. Prices of digital goods have gone down quite severely I must say. The lappy that I am currently using which cost me around 2k last few month is now down by 400++. Okie, I have seen this situation happened before and what usually happen later in the future is the prices will receive a boomer. It will go up till up to a level digital items is treated as luxurious items. Huhu, if I know this day will come, I would have wait. At least I will save some money. Huhu, seriously, if lappy was not such a dire need, I would have wait. But now, no point of regretting, what is done is done. Fine


Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Obnoxious behaviour..

I got inspired to write this while I was on the train. Seriously, although they might not realised this, but there are some out there who have nothing but obnoxious behaviour. I wonder how they live with such behaviour. Here are some examples I saw today.

Bringing friends to your date just to ignore them:-
I hate this behaviour. Like a lot. Been into several events of such behaviour already. Seriously, you want to go out with your so-called loved one and you drag your friends along. To wait for the train, the bus and so on and so forth. But once the partner arrives, the friends lost their significance. They becomes nothing more than just moving lamp posts. I hate this. Seriously, if you bring your friend along, treat them well, don’t make them feel like idiots. Huh..

PDA in non-designated area:-
Okie, I get it, you guys are in love. There is nothing wrong in showing your love to the public. But please, do it in designated area only. Not all places. Especially not the train where rule of do not misbehave applied. Besides, there are also adults the age of your mum and dad, not forgetting grandma and grandpa. Do you think your behaviour is proper in their eyes? Think again if you think it is cool.

Talking loudly and boastfully:-
So, you got knowledge about something. Yeay to you for that. But seriously, do you need to talk loudly about it in public area? Another thing, okie maybe you are successful in your life, do you really need to share that with unknown people whom you just met? Seriously, this kind of people is annoying!! Period.
Those are what I got to witness today. Seriously, it was tiring. I just feel like shaking them and talk to their face to stop doing that. Haish..


Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Finally, it ends..

I still remember earlier this semester, how whiny was I about will I survive this semester since I am so not motivated to continue my studies. Well, guess what? The semester has officially ended for me the moment I answered my last examination paper yesterday. Huhu, finally it ends and I am glad that it ends. Seriously, I have no idea how I performed this semester. Let just pray that everything is good, like the usual. Yeah, and iam going back to my hometown tomorrow. Huhu, it has been a while since I last went back there. Well, I am not well off and could not afford to go back often *add sympathetic song here*.

Seriously, a lot happen to me in matters of the heart department. Those who read this blog will know what those events are. Whatever it is, I am going to put those past behind and start anew. I am so going to enjoy my holiday. Maybe by working? Whatta? I never worked all my life, but I am thinking of working this time around. Seriously, I need more cash than usual nowadays. Haha. To shop of course. I cannot remember the last time I shop for pleasure. Usually, I will have to think a lot before shopping, this time around I want to shop till I drop. Because I cannot handle the shopping bags anymore. Haha. How good is life if it is like that huhu *add another sympathetic song here*

Whatever it is, I am just happy the semester has ended. I will say goodbye to everything that has happened this semester and I will welcome the new life I have ahead of me.

p/s: this is my 200th post. Yeay..


Monday, November 8, 2010

answer using my guts..

As I am writing this entry, I am actually trying my best to learn for the exam I will have at 2 pm later. Why do I say learn instead of study? Because I don’t feel like I have learn anything for the past 14 weeks. All we do in class were discussing about problems and chatting about life. It was never formal education. okie, maybe there are some, for like 5 minutes in the beginning of the class. Then, it is all life in a controlled environment. Hence the struggle to learn now. Just hope everything turns alright in the end.

One of the most repeated acts I had done this semester is to answer my test and exam paper using nothing more than my gut. Haha, seriously, it is so dangerous since I was never sure what are the correct answers and usually I just ramble on the paper, arrange words in line until it makes sense and seems like portraying and idea and then I stop. Those who know me will know I never answer my papers long. They are always short answers. By far, my gut has done me good. My test results have been more than expected. Well, I guess all the attention I paid in class finally pays.
Okie, that’s all for now. Need to study. Or learn. Who knows..

*gut, help me please?*

Sunday, November 7, 2010

somewhere over the rainbow..

i realised recently i got no mood to write at all. writing becomes a dread for me. if possible, i would leave the world of blogging for good. because i am just not inspired. by anything, anyone. besides, the new skin i selected was so not me. yeah, i might be nerdy and geeky as suggested by all the pen and paper ( if you guys don't get it, it shows organization and planning.. a common element associated to geek and nerds since they are so smart, they are organised.. yeah right.. we aren't!!) but i am actually more to a dark person with a lot of conflicts, internally and externally, alongside enjoying the wonder of the world and put down my random thoughts. hence, i need to find a skin that suits me.

finding one is no easy task. i need to browse through several other websites and blogs. seriously, got bored and frustrated half way through since nothing shows who i am. the situation went on until i stumbled with this skin. it has everything that i love. the dark shades ( not to mention, a big dark shades, shows really who i am, a very reserved and always hiding and BIG.. it also resembles what is within me) the colour orange (my fave colour, yeayo!!), rainbow with extra orange (rainbow symbolises hope for me)and silhouette of flying birds ( what i am trying to look for in myself, freedom from myself). another things is when i look at the picture, it is so vibrant and gay on one side and dark on the other side, which is so me. what is outside is so not what is inside. besides that, the name of the template is "Somewhere Over The Rainbow", one of my favourite song and phrase. i always use it when people ask me where i am from and i dont feel like answering. hehe.

therefore, this skin totally is to my liking as it shows who i am inside and outside. i am glad and seriously quite happy to know actually there are people who understand me. all in all, i love my skin, both actual and blog.

*the blog that is me*

Friday, November 5, 2010

MIFA.. I like..

First of all, if you people have no idea what MIFA or MIFW is, it is the Malaysian International Fashion Week. I went for it on the 5th of November 2010 and I must say, I am glad I went for it.

Seriously, I heard about the news of a friend of mine going a few days back during an outing with him. But he says nothing about it, so I don’t really put high hope on going to the event since it needs passes to get through. But, on the night of 4th, he sent me a text message telling me about he is going to the event and I asked, “May I follow?” And he said yeah. Seriously, I was happy since I love fashion and being able to attend a fashion show, OMG, it is like a dream come true. But there is a catch; I need to be a photographer. Whatta? As you guys know, I have mentioned earlier, I am no good at the pics department, and now I am a photographer in disguise? Wow to myself. The best thing is I need to handle a DSLR, an even harder task since normal camera is hard enough from me. Huhu..

Plus, my economy at the current moment is so not promising. Thus, spending more than necessary is so not needed now. Hence, I had a long thinking before finally deciding to go for it. I got ready the next morning after a very late night sleep and got to see my friend. To my surprise, in the initial plan, there were supposed to be more but ended up only 2 of us were going. Okie, got on the bus and went to KL central. Then we took monorail to Raja Chulan, not BB to Pavilion. Okie, it is nearer people. Arrived and met the person who invited us. There only we got to know the name of the designer that we were about to work for. Okie, he was shy at first because he did not talk to us directly at first, but we were okie with. Then, we registered at the media place. Seriously, we were scared when we heard we need to pay. It turned out, we do not need to pay at all, just give the name of the designer. Fuhh, luckily.

Then, the event starts. And it goes on. Until late at night. And we were there till late at night, but not till the end. Because we had to go due to situation. Huhu, all in all, the experience was hot. The designs were awesome, most of them. Some are okie and some (I am so sorry) BORING.. but looking at all the design and feeling all the things that happened, I believe fashion industry in Malaysia will go forward. Whatever it is, I think I am falling for photography, but to do it seriously? maybe once I am rich and got nothing to do.. haha

*I hate unprofessional photographer*

Thursday, November 4, 2010

and you chose to..

*this is a continuance from “sorry..”*

Perth made me wait for 3 days. In the mean time, I busy myself with all the studying. But, I cannot study at all. My mind wonders around. At times, I am worried sick about what would Perth answer be. Seriously, this is the first time I am at no power in deciding where the relationship goes. Perth went invisible on the net and I got no way to contact Perth. How I wish I have the international number.

I don’t know what to wish for. To stay in the relationship? I have done a lot of cruelty to Perth seriously. I have made Perth wait for 2 years, see and call only when I got no one else, treat him like a second best and many more actions that I am no way near proud about. To get over with the relationship? Seriously, I need Perth to hold me together as I am one wrecked mess and Perth was one of the people who know how to put me back into one when I am all shattered down. Perth has always been my comfort every time I am sad and broken and always have something wise and mature to say when childishness take control of me. No matter which decision that Perth make, there are pro and cons. That is the norm of life. How I wish sometimes it is always for the better only.

As I was browsing through my email, Perth starts the conversation with me. That is a first since usually I will be the one starting the conversation, not the other way around. I sensed something not good will happen. I still keep what is left in the Pandora’s box in my heart. Hope. Perth wrote

“I’ve made up my mind”

I was shocked by the answer but not really a surprise. After all the harm I had done to the relationship, it is not hard to think of the worst. But, feeling being left alone for the first time seriously shocked me. That is a first. However, I kept my cool and accept the decision. But deep inside I wanted to cry. But I kept all the tears inside. Never to be out. Maybe once everything is just too unbearable, then they will roll out from my eyes. For now, I am yet to cry. I just realised, Perth is the only person who had made me cry the most. But one thing that is quite comforting is Perth gave me his word about I can always tell my heart out like the usual, and when we found new partner, our relationship will stay like the usual, not to change. Okie, at least I did not lose a friend. Then, we went offline.

I am still very much hurt by what happened. Not angry of Perth, but myself for making the mistake that I should have not done. But what happened, happened. I think there is silver lining behind what has happened. At last, the both of us got to move on after the 3rd breakup already. I wish for all the best.

*sad but moving on*

Monday, November 1, 2010

hanging out.. and opening up..

Earlier today, my friends and I went for an outing together. After finishing up some business, we went to a restaurant to have something to eat and drink. Besides, it is hard for the four of us to hang out together so we find this as an opportunity to catch up with one another. We talk about a lot of stuff. Like talk and talk until we have no more topics.

Then, one of my friends asked a question about what are our dislikes among one another. The answers need to be honest and no hard feelings should be taken. Thus, we all opened up. To my surprise (not really actually), most of them find that my effortlessness as annoying. I am so sorry people, I cannot change that. Then the topic starts to move outside our circle, and how I am glad it did.

Now I know that I am not the only one feeling such feelings towards this particular group of people. There are people that feel the same too. Hence this proves that I am not doing something wrong for disliking them. Seriously, I am glad I am not alone.

We talked for about 3 hours ++ and seriously, everything was poured out. But, like the saying goes, what happened in Vegas, stays in Vegas, only this time the place is a table in a mamak restaurant..

*poured out*