Friday, May 29, 2009

This is a hate post..

Caution: this is a hate post.. It is written when I am seriously mad at something that just happened to me.. It started just like the usual, nothing much, but later the matter totally annoys me.. I felt sabotaged.. betrayed.. by someone who i respected before.. although i never look at the person that high before.. i always know she hates me.. it is shown by her gestures.. her words.. her action.. whenever i am around.. but it is just me and i think it doesn’t hurt her at all.. and i never thought she would do something so dishonest like this.. so what.. if you have problems with me, just tell it to my face.. don’t need to stab me from behind.. this is concerning my future and people’s impression on me.. you could just say it to me.. not attack me where i got no authority at all.. i call this dirty and sleazy.. someone that people look high upon and give education on something so holy can be so low.. shame on you.. yes, no one is angel and you can always hate other people.. but giving something so undeserving to the person that you hate is just plain bad.. we call it ‘Zalim”.. not putting something where it deserve to be.. seriously.. i never see this coming.. and now it hurts me badly.. i thought we are supposed to be honest in our work and never let personal matters meddle with works.. well, i think this has gone too personal.. seriously, what was playing in your mind when you decide it.. i don’t want to know and i don’t want to see your face again.. you have just put bad impression on all your colleagues in my point of view.. you just have to judge someone from the way they bring themselves and not the work they have done, eh.. im disappointed.. let just hope im the last person that you do this to.. because remember the principle of karma.. what goes around comes around..

*concoction of hatred and madness , with a pinch of disappointment*

Love.. when it will hit me..badly..

Sometimes when we found someone that we like so much and we think that he/she could be the person for you.. it is not really love.. it is mostly a crush.. usually they are just too perfect to be real.. and you never have a chance to get that person.. not in a million years.. love is usually given by someone you will never care for at first.. then that person enters your heart slowly and finally get implanted there.. and he/she usually doesn’t possess all the things that you want in a person.. he/she will have his/her share of flaws.. but these are things that make you attracted to him/her.. im longing for that person to appear in my life.. i want to share my life with that person.. through thick and thin.. sometimes living alone is simply dull.. nothing much to say.. no one to talk to.. yes, family is a place where you could find comfort.. but not all can be shared with them.. like your wildest desire.. heck i will never share that with them.. never.. i miss the feeling of security when the person is around.. when the world feels like it belongs to us.. and yes.. im a PDA person.. i show my love to my loved one in my public.. so what.. it’s a free country.. love.. when will you appear again in my life??..

*missed being loved*

Monday, May 25, 2009

life.. in my point of view..

I don’t know how to say. It is not my fault things end up this way. And it is also not your fault too. Let just say, it is our fault. We are immature and we make decisions in haste, without thinking of the consequences it may gives later. And now here we are, regretting on the things that could be avoided in the first place. But no, we let our emotions take control of our mind. Seriously, matters of the heart should never meddle with the brain. It does nothing but disruption. We lose our senses, we act inappropriately, and we do everything that is wrong and avoid everything that is right. Our mind is blocked by our heart if they are ever get together. They should never be together, not in any occasion or time. They does not sync to each other. They should stay where they are.

And some people say, you can find happiness if you found love. Is it real? I mean both. The statement and love. Would you really be happy if you found love? Then, how would you explain those people who lived happily through all these years alone without any companion alongside them? Are you saying that they are just faking it? That they cry in the middle of the night for the fear of dying alone, going through their life alone with no one to share their happiness with? Seriously people, I don’t think so. They are happy with themselves. Even people who are in love can sometimes feel alone. They have other things to do with their lives than think about having a partner. And we have heard many cases of people who are madly in love still feeling all down and sad and even commit suicide (gasp!) because of love. Is that happiness? Seriously, if that is happiness, I don’t want it. I love my life. And concerning love, is it real? Some may say yes and some may say no. I think it is both. Real love may still exist in the community of lower or middle income people but in rich people, love is mostly for something else, money and materials. Could you imagine a girl of such young age could get married to a man who she should probably call him grandpa and vice versa and say it is all because of love? Seriously, I don’t believe it. Look at the old man or woman bank accounts, I bet it would have at least ten million. As for the people of the middle class, real love maybe; just maybe still exist as we are all from the same level. No hindrance from something that we call money. Although I am someone who loves money more than people, I can always say that this behaviour is bad. But, it is up to you to decide your path of life.

Another funny thing that people want us to believe when we were small is believe in your dream and go for it. Yeah right, like it is ever going to happen. We grow up with that mindset being implanted in our mind but soon as we come to age, we realised that all our dream will never come to reality. Haha.. laugh for yourself, for believing that dream will once come to reality and you will live happily ever after. Fairy tales should be demolished. They just corrupt young minds. Once grown up, we realised that our lives is controlled by the current economic condition and we work for the best offers, meaning work with the highest pay. And years and years of education in the system do nothing but vanishing out those dreams in our head and replace them with more realistic approach to life. And there are a few people who are happy with their life post-brainwash, but most ask themselves, why they end up like the way they are. Some do chase their dreams but only a few succeed and live the life they have always wanted.

Seriously, life is a big jigsaw puzzle and we are all a part of it. We just need to locate where is ur position in the puzzle and place ourselves correctly. Never try to place yourself at someone else’s spot because the only thing that you will feel is awkwardness. Think about it.


Friday, May 22, 2009

of frustrations and regrets..

seriously, im not feeling very well right now.. one mishap over another.. it keeps on happening to me.. one of the most obvious is the money i have.. it keeps on going down and never top up.. crappy interview.. how can make such a stupid and silly mistakes that i know i can prevent myself from doing it?.. question to ask nobody accept myself.. then, my results was out.. well, im out from the dean's list this semester.. damn.. even worst, most of my result had a great downfall, from A to B, from B+ to B-.. hahh.. im stressed out by all these.. seriously, people said cool down, in life there will always be ups and downs.. well, im not the kind of person who accept downs very well.. i love being superior..


Thursday, May 14, 2009

mixed feeling because of current situation..

i cant really say what are my feelings right now.. they are all mixed up.. like potion in a witch's cauldron.. all gooey and shiny.. very prominent.. im happy for myself and the chance to might continue my studies in the field that i've been in the past one year.. but im also sad to lose my friends who didnt get the interview.. they are really, very close to me and knowing the fact that they might never be seen by me again is sad.. very sad.. things will never be the same without them.. im uncertain about starting a new relationship with someone.. it's because im uncertain about my own feelings.. am i going out with the person just to forget someone else or i really love the person.. i do not have the heart to break another person's heart as it hurts me to.. im excited about some events that are about to happen.. i give people advices on things in life.. but i sometimes stumbled in life.. i just dunno what to feel in life.. right now..


Friday, May 8, 2009

i sit by the window

i sit by the window
watching the meadow outside
the daisy shakes as the wind blow
with no sign when it will subside

then, the daisy can take no more
broken into half, at the middle it breaks
no more place for the bee to snore
no more honey for the bee to make

i supposed to help, without further due
but instead i stay
because i know nothing i can do
the daisy has passed away

and here i stay
in my room, by the window
watching as the daisy lay
with remorse and sorrow

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

overwhelm by hypocrisy..

nowadays, we can never say that someone's smile is genuine.. we never know what lays inside their mind.. we can never be sure that someone laugh is true.. we never know the sorrow they might hide.. we can never be sure of any emotion that people show nowadays.. it is usually polluted by hypocrisy.. sometimes we found someone that we could call them friends.. but they end up stabbing you from the back.. sometimes we might found someone who we believe to be our soulmate.. in the end, they end up betraying on us and go for other people.. and we were left alone.. sobbing through the nights and days while that person care less about what happened to you.. then, we sometimes might receive praises for our work done well.. but in the hearts, who knows how much hatred and loathing that they keep from you and talk about it with others.. behind your back.. but never in front of you.. what comes from the mouth can never be sure that it is the same as what lies in the heart.. so, be careful about the world as you never know who might be your reason of downfall..


Tuesday, May 5, 2009

not wanting to be where i am right now..

it is a very weird feeling.. when we are somewhere.. we always want to go away from there.. but once we are at the place.. we feel like going away to another place that we have just left.. that is what im feeling right now.. i always want to be back at hoe when im away but once im home.. i feel like i dont want to be there.. i feel trapped.. the discontentment that i feel is seriously torturing.. hate it but i just cant do anything about it.. save me..