Thursday, July 23, 2015

I'm a fool for you.. And because of you..

All you had to do was made me remember how it was like to love you. How it made me feel. How we were together. You caught me off guard. I was at my weakest because of you and you lured me back into something you call a relationship. I agreed to the whole idea, because it was yours and maybe this time, you would be different. A person can dream eh? Well, the thing about dream is it doesn't always come true.

I've been single for way too long to remember what it feels like to have someone has my back, supports me, always be there for me. Somehow, when I agreed into this, these were parts of the expectations I had. I really hoped for these. Guess it wasn't true to you. For you, it'smore about the convenient of returning to the things you know, or you think you still know and in this case, the thing is me. You thought of me as a place that you could hang around and be all comfortable, like what we had almost 9 years ago.. People change.. I changed.. You changed.. We are no longer that 16 year olds.. We are basically strangers who knows each others' name and not more than that. How unfortunate for us to learn it this way.

The thing is, you're not alone when it comes to the convenient part. To tell you the truth, I am into it as well. I thought "well, now we can skip the part where I get to know you and just be in a relationship and continue from where we were before". But I forgot one major information, we hit the end of the road the last time. There's no continuing to that. Basically, we have to start over. 16 and 25 are 9 years apart and we've grown into different person in these years. We both forgot about this and now I feel like a fool. Because of you and for you.

To be honest, I don't know what I want from all these. Do I want this to be real? I am not even sure about it. The way you act doesn't help either. It's tiring being the only one trying when we all know it takes two to tango. Just.. Ugh.. I'm such a fool..

P/s: so sorry. I just have to write this down. This has been bothering me and I have no other outlet to say it except here. Yeah, despite saying I am a different person now that I am older, I'm almost 25 now!, deep inside, I can still find the trace of my younger self..

Thursday, July 9, 2015

I did that..

Woke up from a nap, feeling nostalgic. I reminisced the life I had and the people that were in it. One particular person stood out more than the rest. Because that person was my friend, to a certain level, a best friend. But things went sour quite fast. The blame was always on him but I now realised, it takes two to kill a relationship.

How could two friends ended up constantly stabbing each other? I couldn't recall the beginning but I remember how it ended.the thing is, matters of the heart is complicated and when you mess with one's love, you might create a monster. That's what I did. I created the person who wanted to destroy me. I retaliated badly as well. I fought fire with fire. A move qrongly chose.

Whatever it was, it's now a part of my past. The past I parted ways with years ago. Only I woke up feeling nostalgic and the memory hit me like a gentle slap on the cheek, waking me up from the delusion I had about it for years.

Another jump..

After months of wait, the result is finally out. I am on the path of being in a job I thought of when I signed up for my university studies. In a way, I am glad but at the same time, nervous as I have strayed away from that path for quite some time. But I believe in starting anew,especially in things that you know you can learn to love it. So, it's time to part ways with doubts and accept all positivity.

Anyway, I remember promising to myself a few years ago that I will not job hop in my post uni life. Lol, look at what life has made me do so far? Haha how clueless I was. However, this time around, I hope this will be one of my last transitions in terms of career though I know I will face a lot more in the future. Well, the least I hope for is my next transitions will be along the same path. No more straying away. I have strayed away from comfort for way too long, it's time to return, although it may be brief.

One thing that I hope in this new place is to be the best me. The best I can be. A person I can be proud of and contented with. Leaving a legacy may sound farfetched but I believe if I work really hard, it's achievable. You know, the satisfaction of looking at a success and say "I did that". Yeah, that's what I am looking for. One can always dream right? Haha

Okie, that's all for now. Wish me all the best in my latest endeavour. Till next time.
P/s: this was written on paper prior publishing. My handwriting sucks.. Hahaha