Wednesday, May 19, 2010

problems.. when will they stop appearing..

first of all, sorry for the absence. the reason is my lappy is STOLEN.. damn you thief. i hope you have the worst nightmare and your life and hell is not much different. you will forever be haunted by the guilt of stealing something from me.. i hope you will be barren so you will never bear to future thieves. or maybe the thief should just die, in a car crash, run over a few time until you dont look anything resembling a human.. hehe, i made the crime sound so big, isn't it? well, that is just the usual me. actually, i dont really feel sad about the loss, instead i am filled with anger. anyway, life goes on even after problems and mishaps happened to me.

okie, actually i am currently in my hometown. home sweet home, as most would say, but not me. i am happy at home, but i also have to listened to a lot of problems happening around me. let it be financial, behaviour and even relationships. i would not go into details as it is to my family concern only. seriously people, you dont want to be in my shoe. you can only listen, but you can do nothing. you feel helpless and just pray for the things to turn around. huhu, i am praying hard but at times, i lost hope. however, i believe i can manage through it. quote from my sister, " God will test those who He believes have the will and strength to face it." i believe i can.

that's for now..

*patience is a virtue*

Sunday, May 9, 2010

finally.. it's over..

so, just now i have answered the final paper for this semester. that means it is also the closing for this semester. Man, how i have waited for this day to come. it comes at last.. and i am grateful for it. no more life in these lonesome places i call hostel and campus. haha, kidding. but i am going to be back home for nearly two month. yeah, i like long holiday, although i dont really like the effect on my body. i am gonna gain some unnecessary weight again. lol, but that is a fact i will have to face. but maybe this time i wont gain, but lose maybe. haha. *pray hard for that* but than again what matters right now is that i am finally taking some time of studying. it is not that i dont like studying but after some time, you just need a break. so, going to have fun and also attend a lot of weddings, including my sis's. damn, they will make me do all those work that i dont like. you know, those hard work of entertaining guesses, carrying the dishes and all. how i hate those things. hehe. hey, i am not a diva but those are not my idea of having a wedding feast. but, what the hack, maybe i couls escape. Man, how i want to attend those events on that day. the performance in IB, youthmania and many more. but no, i got wedding to attend..... (TAT)
gosh, can i be a singer for a day? i have been wanting to be a singer although i know my family is not fond of the whole idea. but hey, i like music, especially singing.. please, i want to be a singer so badly. huhu.. random


Saturday, May 8, 2010

Don’t read if the content is not suitable for you..

My blog is my space. The place where I put all my feelings and all. This includes my liking, my hatred and of course, my admirations. And it is for those who share the same view with me to read. For those who don’t have the same view, just don’t read my blog. But still they read and say bad things about it. You know, this kind of people are the one who clogged places like Youtube and all with their hate comments. Just because you don’t like it, does not mean others must hate it too. You are not the only type of human on this friggin’ earth. Human are made differently and have different views on what are the things that could bring them happiness and a reason to write, sing etc. So, if you don’t like it, do not read/listen/watch. Like what I would say to those who offend me, although it happens rarely, F**k Off.. I don’t need haters around me..


Friday, May 7, 2010

Reasons to smile are back.. but I cried instead..

Okie, today I went to the faculty realizing one big major change from what it used to be. It is packed with people, instead of the usual ghost town like feeling when you enter the library with no one inside, walk down the hallway with nothing but the sound of your footsteps to accompany you. It is packed with new faces. Faces of new Intecees. I was ogling at them to see are they a match to their seniors’ good looks and admiration material. But, my exploration came to no avail. None was at par. Huhu. Sorry guys but your seniors were way hotter. Then, I saw familiar faces walking pass me. Hey, the seniors are back from their seminars and preparing for their finals. This realization brought a smile on my face. I know Tower is back. I have reason to go to the faculty again. Hehe, I am happy and seriously, after a while, I smile sincerely at the faculty although the paper I was about to face was on one of my least favorite subjects. Well, who cares about the development of education in Malaysia if you have read the same thing for the last four semesters? One semester is too much, four semesters is just way too many. Later going to learn it again. Seriously, they need to do something about this redundancy.

Back to the story, my friend who knows about my admiration for Tower came and told me that she just saw Tower just now, on the way back home. Well, I was a bit disappointed to miss the sight of Tower but please, just knowing Tower was there was enough for me. The sky was shining brightly and the place just gone warmer for me and literally. I just found my drive back to go to the faculty. Although this Sunday is going to be the last day I will be here this semester and I never saw Tower on Sundays, but I am just glad that Tower is back. Please do well in your exams, Tower. Although we will never meet again, but you will always be one of my sweetest memories. I was smiling and singing the whole time I was at the faculty.

This is until I finished the paper which I think I did quite badly since I have no idea how to answer a few questions and ended up putting ridiculous answers on the paper. Then, I was off to my lecturer’s room for my carry marks. I was flabbergasted to see the marks for my literature, it was low. However, it does not sadden me since literature was never my forte. Then I was off to my lecturer’s room who taught the subject that we had just answered. How I was disappointed to see how low was my marks and particularly on one assignment. It is written that my groupmates and I were to get only 9 marks of total 20 marks. My heart shattered and I was left in awe. Never in my life had I done such sloppy work and given a miserable mark. It was not even half. I tried to deny in my conscience that I, Sai, had received such results in life. I was shaking and was having an emotional outburst. Finally, when it was too hard to handle, I burst in tears. Never in my life had I felt such shame. I looked at my part and there was nothing wrong, but mistakes of other have made it gone badly. I was too heartbroken. For everyone who knows me, I always strive for the best and I love praising and winning. I do not take in failures easily. Damn. Now I have a sure B in my list. Thanks .. I really need one.

Oh, but then again, my girlfriend, Alia came all the way from her place to see me. Girl, I was happy to see you but sorry you have to bear with my emotional breakdown just now. Hey, studies are my thing, failing in it made me feel like I lost a part of me. But we have fun taking pictures and have our dinner at Medan. Seriously, saying goodbye to you was awkward since I do not know what to say. Haha

That sums up my life for that particular day; Full of emotions and gains.


Tuesday, May 4, 2010

I want to be happy..

I looked at myself a few days back. I realised I have been very negative to myself and the surrounding. But I cannot explain why. All I know is I am down emotionally, but to no avail of the source of the negative feelings that was building up inside of me, the negative feelings that have let me become reserved, full of silence and always out of focus. They all came at the most wrong time of the year, during my finals. I am not down because I am worried of the finals, studies never worry me as they are my escapism from my dull life. I am not who I am when I am in class. I am a different person there. I am stronger and bolder than I am outside. I love my studies. Words of a nerd. That is what I am. A misplaced nerd. Maybe that is why they always mistake me for those Intecees. I do look and act like nerd. Boo to myself.

Then, I watched an episode of Glee which was on love, home and everything else. Okie, I cried while watching it. Especially while listening to the song that Kurt was singing, A House Is Not a Home, since the meaning of the song is extremely deep. For me at least. It somehow says my heart out. Damn, I am a sucker for lame love song and great ladylike vocals owned by guys. Haha. Seriously, watching that episode of Glee made me think that I am not much different from April Rhodes, a lonely person who is trying to find his or her direction on the world. She may look happy on the outside, but inside her nobody knows. Similarities that I could see between her and me are the ability to hide our sadness with our eccentric and happy-like personality, besides we think money can make us happy and we do not care who we are seeing as long as it is beneficial to us. Guess this shows I am not the only one with that kind of behavior. Therefore, I cried while watching this show for all the right reasons, which is realizing the fact of my life. Revelation can bring tears okie.

So, I have thought to myself. it is time for me to choose to be happy. Hey, life is short; I should cherish it while I still can. Who knows what will happen in the future. Maybe this is my only time to be happy, before all the responsibilities fall on my shoulder once I am a full grown adult. Not that I am saying adult cannot have fun but being young and adult are two different phases in life and each should be given equal treatments. Hehe so, I am going to calm my mind and cleanse myself from all the negative feelings. Maybe settle for yoga to do that. I will be cleansing all body, mind and soul, then reborn as a new person. Maybe find new love later, although I never look for one. I am someone who waits for love to come, not the finder. Love was the reason for my emotional breakdown and now I am going to build myself from love as well. Love for myself. like the quote from Facebook, you still make me smile even when you were the main reason I am sad. That is love to me. It is my source of life although it has brought me great devastation before.

*prepare for happiness*

Random stuffs about movies and life..

Okie, just got inspired to write after watching Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging. One of the things that I always see and agree with is that the beach is the most romantic place and it could be a place for therapy if your heart is ever broken or you are just having a bad day. A lot of good things, in love especially, will be done by the beach. So, for those who wanted great love, have a holiday by the beach then. Haha, random..

Then, is it me or every time something bad happened to the main character, the place will just rain? Hehe, been seeing this a lot in movies. I wonder why when I am down, rain never pours. Hey, I am a star of my own movie. Hehe, self- absorbed critter am I.. Then, you will always get the one you love if you try really hard.. True meh?? Well, I don’t think this is applicable in real world. Sometimes we just have to get that that person is just not into us. Not everyone will get whoever they want. If this thing is so real, then there will be no such things as crushes where you ogle and stalk that particular person and will never, or maybe once in a million years, chance to talk to that person. Hmm.. Movies really are life with extra sugar on those bitter and sour parts.

Oh, must I say, is it me or in movies, everyone from different place is either too hot and everyone wants them or too weird and nobody wants them? That is the pattern I have been seeing in most of the movies. But in real life, I think we just make friend with everyone right? No matter how annoying you are, you will always find someone who could withstand your annoyingness. Hehe, I am speaking through experience.
So, that is my weird blabs about movies and life. Maybe there will be a sequel to this post and it would be worse than this since sequel are mostly bad.. haha, I am just saying.. till later..


Saturday, May 1, 2010

Different things to write about..

Okie, so, I am still in my exam season. Huhu, seeing others who had finished their exam is so depressing. I want to go home early. Not being the last one to finish. Nice schedule, schedule maker. Different story, a friend of mine, fellow blogger had talked to me about how sad and emo-ish my blog is becoming. I noticed the same thing too. Maybe because I could only write better when I am sad. Happiness is not easily described by words but sadness is. So, I must say I write mostly when I am sad. That was the whole reason why my blog sounded sad and emo. So, from now on, I will add those happy stuffs in life too in my blog. Life is not that bad. Like seriously..

So, what had made me happy? Today I shopped for a pair of clothing (how to describe Baju Melayu?) for my sis’s wedding. Okie, it has been a while since I last shop for Baju Melayu. I must say, I like my choice. Haha, vanity. Then, I spent most of the day answering questions in my phone’s inbox. Most of them were on syntax. People, I am not Noy, I don’t have all the answers. I make mistakes sometimes. So, don’t put your full trust on me. Although I am rather proud you guys trusted for that endearing subject I must say. Anyway, you guys help me study subconsciously. Thanks people. I also had gathered some new and old movies in my collection. Watched some of it too. Yaey, I like having a great movie archive. Seriously, I don’t have a life like others who hangs around most of the time with their friends, doing activities and such. I am not that kind of person. I am domestic. Although actually I want to be like that. But I guess I just don’t have anyone to ask around to hang out with. Whatever. I like it this way. I will be the lame friend that everyone has.
Okie, that’s it for now. Later..

*happily terrified*