Wednesday, March 31, 2010

making decisions.. i hate it,.. because im indecisive..

i need to chose my subject early for next semester, early as in now. this means decision need to be made now and i cannot make up my mind since i have a lot to consider. to learn something simple and factual and ensures me success but sure to be a dread later or something that i might like, but GREAT chance of stumbling along the way, since it is a creative subjects and being a straight minded person, it is a liability.. seriously, im looking for any avenue right now to ask for help or advice in making this choice.. as it concerns my future.. i need to make the right choice and not to regret it later..

then, choice in life, i been denying every single person that come to my life for all the weird reason. i have no idea why but i just do it. maybe it is my choice to be single all the way. yet, my heart says differently. it needs company. and it makes me go for those whom i know i will never git in a million years. my heart and mind contradicts each other. how could two system in one body contradicts?? lame..


Monday, March 29, 2010

disappointed.. since you are not who i thought you were..

in life, when we see someone, we tend to have some expectation on that person. it can be low and it can be high. some are just too high and reach the level of absurdly unreachable. thus is what has happened to me and a friend this lately. we put a high expectation on a person that we see together and hope that the person is someone else. when we found out the truth about the person, i could say, we were demotivated to know more about the person. damn...

okie, the first impression that i have on the person is the person is the geeky dorkish person who knows nothing about life and have no idea how hot he is. this is from the result of my observation through his choice of outfits and all, he appeals to those attributes. and through a social networking website, i got to know more about him. how i was wrong. he is so not who i though he was. he is just the usual boy that could be everyone and he possess the knowledge of his good looks. damn. and the way he interacts to other is no different than any other usual boys with attitude. huhu, heart broken here..

so, moral of the story, some people may not appeal to what they are showing. they could be an angel outside, but deep inside there are just no difference than any vampire that lurks in the night, looking for its victim with its charming attitude..


Saturday, March 27, 2010

back in my hometown.. for sis's engagement.. and more stories..

so, this weekends i am spending my weekends in Penang, my hometown.. unfortunately, it is not the island, but the mainland.. i dont really like it here.. maybe because im just not into mainland as i was born on the island.. no offense people, im just stating my opinion.. but still, it is fun.. i have had nice food here.. as compared to SA.. penang is so much better.. but still, i want to go to the island.. it is where i belong..

oh, the main reason for my coming home was m sis's engagement.. it is over by the time im writing this.. a lot has happened actually.. including a big disaster where my sis's engagement rings.. yes rings, all 3 of them were stolen on the night we came back.. it was really bad.. although we were able to find replacements at such a short notice, but the feeling is just not the same as the previous rings were chosen by my soon to be bro in law himself, not my sis.. hmm, cant say more about it.. just hope the thief dies from overdose of drugs.. or got hit by a bus.. or worst, killed and eaten by stray dogs.. he deserves every single bit of it.. but, what i could say about the event is that it went well, mostly on time.. in fact, at some point, they were ahead of time ( the guy's family that is).. thanks to everyone who has helped us to run this event.. your help is highly appreciated..

one nice thing that happened to me, personally is concerning my crush.. i found out the real name and a bit of background on my crush.. damn.. same school as my previous crush.. haha.. those from that school are hot.. random facts.. and the name is just way too classic for me to utter.. hmm.. OMG, and for the first time ever i become so bold and put out my actually feelings in my comment to my crush.. i dunno what is the reaction yet.. i hope its good.. i want it to be special.. maybe more than friends but less than partner.. since the person wont be here for long.. i hate to shatter my heart again.. but still, i did not put high hopes.. since i realised my situation.. hmm.. want you so bad but dont want to be yours..

i think im changing.. im not the person who i used to be.. im slowly getting rid of my old image to build the new me.. the more acceptable me.. i realised i have chosen the wrong path in life and it is about time i go back the right way.. huhu.. people help me okie.. dont make me go the wrong way again.. and help build the new me.. help me be normal.. please people.. treat me right..

*mixed feelings*

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

I don’t know why..

Sometimes, when I look at myself in the mirror, I wonder.. is my face the kind of face which looked for trouble.. the face where people would hate.. the face that people would think” he doesn’t deserve everything that he achieved”.. the face of envy.. the face of hate.. the face which say “I’m ready to be hate, hate on me haters”.. and more negative image I could think.. I don’t know where did I do wrong.. but people just hate me.. people think it is cool to see me punished by others.. all faults are my faults in their view.. why?? I never did harm your lives, stop disturbing me.. don’t make me your avenue of hate.. I’m a human being too.. I could get hurt.. although I am mostly heartless..

The only people I could rely on are my best buddies… they are the one who accepted me for who I am.. but even them are getting less.. most choose to avoid me at one level.. I don’t get it why.. maybe I hurt them due to my bluntness?? I am sorry but that is just who I am.. at least I am being real and honest with you guys then being total hypocrite like to those whom I despise but I can’t bear hate.. I hate being hated.. I want to be liked.. even by those whom I dislike..

Seriously, I don’t know what else to do.. maybe I will just continue being hated by people.. well, if that is what they choose to do, I will let them do it.. I am in no authority to stop anything.. hate on me haters.. eventhough the whole world goes against me.. I’ll stand by my side..


Sunday, March 21, 2010

what has been going on..

hmm.. could not find inspiration to write lately.. maybe im too occupied by stuffs which i could not explain.. but that is not the main idea here.. i want to share some things that has happened in my life..

among them is watching time traveler's wife.. okie, watched this movie before at the cinema.. and i cried.. huhu *ashamed*.. and i thought to myself.. maybe i wont cry again the next time.. guess what? i was wrong.. i cried again.. and this time when everyone could see it.. well, i watched in my room with my roommates hanging around.. luckily we played by the rule of nobody cares for each other.. so, they just let me.. huhu.. that movie.. it is just too painful to watch.. the sadness that the girl feels, the disappointment in both their eyes everytime it happens.. it was just unbearable.. i just need to burst out everytime i watch it..

then, recently i heard news about a friend of mine who had found someone new.. okie, maybe i will feel happy for him.. but what is more is that i will feel bad about myself.. i realised i have been single for quite sometime now and seeing others with partners makes me look in the mirror and start pointing out my flaws.. and i turned negative.. i start having evil plan about things and stuffs.. huhu.. maybe karma is playing with me.. yes, i admit i have been bad before.. but im good now.. or sort.. haha

*envious and bursting out*

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

look or personality?.. which is your choice?

okie, to day suddenly i got an urge to write about this.. this is because i have been noticing the changes that i am going through right now.. back then, people always know me for being the boy who care less about the personality or behaviour of the partner as the main importance was placed on the look.. i admit that my pass relationship mostly consist of good looking people with serious behaviour problem.. narcissist, casual sex offender (although i never bow down to the person's needs, euw..), over jealousy, cheaters, bad mouth and professional swearer just to name a few bad behavioural problems.. but i stand by them because of their good looks and their head turning capability.. haha, i love trophies..

but currently, i start to look beneath the skin.. what is in their heart.. the personality appeals more to me lately.. okie, that was very sudden okie.. i did not see it coming at all.. all i know, i start liking people based on their behaviour, personality and charisma.. whatta?? this is so not me.. and seriously, the new people that i fond are mostly what people would say.. that is so common or are you sure you want that person?.. weird okie..

maybe because i had enough with people with good looks but poor character, better to find acceptable look with nice character.. maybe this time my heart wont be shattered into a million pieces anymore.. i hope..

*liking it*

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

work in progress..

since the absence of things to do.. things here refer to FUN things.. i have recently committed myself to something i would never thought i would voluntarily agree to do.. that is doing assignment early.. WHATTA?? this is so not me.. i am the last minute ind of guy.. who care less about work and more about lives.. let it be mine or others.. well, im a gossip monger.. you can blame me.. hehe :)

with that, now i could say that most of my wok is in progress.. before this they are mostly kept in idle mode.. whether i am just too lazy to do so.. or i have totally forgotten it.. okie.. this is quite a good sign for me.. haha.. im proud.. *smirk on my face*

but, alongside this good improvement, i somehow accidentally revived some of my depression back then.. i am capable of having a mood swing anytime and i must say.. i look moody most of the time.. moody as Mad-Eye Moody.. but instead of the cranky kind of moody.. which i am famous for.. i become silent and distant from others.. that explains the eating alone in the room and hardly message nor call anyone.. but i dont think this going to say for long.. maybe it is just temporary.. well, it is just me.. the weird and crazy Sai.. who change according to his desire.. but for now, let me stay emo will ya..

*in progress*

Friday, March 12, 2010

Do not mistake politeness for affection..

Well, sometimes when someone is being too good to us, we tend to think that the person is somehow fond of us. But this could not be applied in all cases. Most of the time, they are just being polite to us, and that just it. Nothing more than that. To be honest, I used to have this same feeling towards a few people who I hardly know, but very nice to me. I was like asking myself, are they into me or what?? And I hate to admit I acted stupidly. But later, a friend of my put this little consensus in my mind that they are just being polite and nothing more okie. And when I come to think about this matter again, I realized what my friend had said was true. The people treat others in the same manner. So, to those who thinks that they are people who are fond of you just because he or she treats you nicely, think again and observe because it might just be his or her nature to treat everyone nicely. Do not end up killing the person due to jealousy just like what happened to that poor girl about a decade back where she was killed because the person mistake her for loving him and not just merely being polite..

*think again*

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

tiring weekends.. and a day..

last weekends were very hectic two days.. with addition of another hectic day from this week, i can easily concluded that my few days have been few of the most tiring day of my 2010 life.. let me tell you guys what have happened..

on saturday, we paid a visit to a welfare home here in Klang for a charity event organised by my class for the sake of one of the subjects. although this is so not my cup of tea (charity events), but i tried to put my whole heart in this event. maybe it is about time i changed. back to the story, we arrived there, given our pet bro and sis and start our journey to the anticipated destination. where was that? it was the National Zoo. to be honest, i was excited as that was my first time ever step my feet in the National Zoo. so, both me and my pet sister was excited. did i mention that my pet sister was the cutest among all. haha, my classmates really know how to pair us up. we went for the walk in zoo for about 45 minutes amidst the hot daylight in the afternoon. but nonetheless, it was fun. then, we went to the house and have fun with the bigger kids. although the time was short because it overlapped with another event, it was fun and seeing them laughing is one of the best vista of the day. then, we went home. the moment i reached my room, i slept for at least 3 hours. although i was tired, but it was fun. and im okay with kids.

then, on sunday, my friends and i went to KL, a university as a guest performance for an event there. we did a parody of ANTM finale. although it was good in the eyes of our audiences, personally, i think i can do it better. and we had a blast that night with all the performances. huhu, i danced the whole night through. then, we went home with the exhaustion that is beyond me. although i was a bit pissed off that night. but, i would not say anything about it. those who knows, knows.

monday, my few friends and i went to a school for another assignment. well, i could say this was tiring. we went to see the life of a teacher. damn, it is tiring. it makes me think again whether i want to be a teacher or not. then, without any rest, i went to class and ended sleeping with open eyes. seriously, i should not go to that class.

so, in conclusion, i should say my few days is tiring and i may want to do it again.


Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The emo me..

Haish, lately I have become so emo.. I don’t really know why.. maybe im affected by those who are near me.. for God sake knows why, I am somehow surrounded by emo people lately.. emo here means highly emotional people, not those of fashion sense.. how I wish it was the second group.. at least they are to my interest.. anyway, thus I have been posting a lot of emo status updates on FB.. and some of them is actually real expression and confession of what is within my heart.. especially the part where I said most of the time I am just faking it.. I am not totally happy or okie with people surrounding me.. it is because here, I can never really become my true self.. my actual self is considered out of the norm.. just because I somehow don’t like care and don’t know how to show affection doesn’t mean that I am heartless.. although I must say I am quite cold-hearted at most time.. and some people ask whether it is worth it to expose what you have been doing all these times to people ( faking to them that is).. I think it is about time I stand up for myself.. so what if you guys cant accept the person I am.. I can accept you guys just the way you guys are.. so, please do the same for me.. because if not, sorry I must say in advance because what I am going to do is beyond my knowledge.. I might just ignore or worst still, forget your whole existence.. had done that before.. didn’t wish to do so again.. but if situation demands for it, I will not hesitate to do so..

No people, I am not mad to any of you guys.. the person I am most probably mad with is myself.. because I failed in this subject in life.. LV 101 Honesty to Self.. so, im repeating this subject again after taking it for such a long semester ( 3 years at least).. so, I am just going to be honest with myself and I hope most of you going to accept me the way I am.. because I have done that to all of you.. I am not trying to be authoritative and trying to impose to you guys on what to do with me.. it s just that I think it is time I become myself and be accepted for it..

For the record.. forgive all the vulgarity coming out from my mouth this lately.. due to this crisis in life.. my mood fluctuates inconsistently.. girls especially, sorry for you guys have to bear with all my nasty words I have used which is so chauvinist.. well, I might look feminine on the outside, but sometimes, a chauvinist at heart okie.. hardly a feminist.. sorry.. whatever it is, accept me for who I am..

*finally expressed*

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Movie review.. Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant..

Okie, I just watched this movie although my heart said no because I knew changes are bound to happened in adaptation.. besides, it is from one of my favourite author, Darren Shan who the way he sees the mystical in such a way that we feel that it is not much different from ours.. but, after a lot of temptation within me, I succumbed to it and finally watched it.. and let me just put my emotion in one word.. ABHORENCE..

Yup, abhorrence towards the director and anyone involved in making this movie.. this is by far the worst adaptation ever in the history of mankind, I must say.. it says that it took the story from the first three books of the series.. as a reader of the series, I could not recall any of the scene from the movie in the book.. it is just way disappointing.. by the 20th minute, my eyes starts to go teary as I am sleepy and also sad thinking of this is what happened to one of my favourite book series when it is adapted to the screen.. totally destroyed.. the timeline just done make sense.. the plot is all hay wired.. the characters is not who I know from the books.. the only resemblance was the name and it stops there.. everything inside the movie is rubbish in my point of view to say the least.. if I were Darren Shan, I will cry and mope thinking about what have they done with my work.. seriously, it is that bad..

So, my advice to the moviemaker, do not make a sequel to this movie as you have destroyed it totally.. you mixed everything up and do your own story, and not Mr Shan’s.. seriously, I abhore your work for destroying one of my favourite book series of all time.. stop here and do not, please I beg you, do not make another movie from this series as I am currently still devastated from the outcome of the movie..

*rate: -90 from 5*