Sunday, April 20, 2014

Cocooned life..

I am currently in a cocoon. I am no longer a student, a boy, but I am unable to establish myself as a man, a person in a working world. I am now somehow in a transition stage. A transition in which I dislike as when I have time, my brain will overwork. It will start imagining things that are not real and putting scary thoughts regarding prospect of future in my mind. Due to this, I somehow foresee my future to be bleak at the moment. I just hope this phase of darkness will pass by me.

In this cocoon, I am given a restricted freedom. A freedom dreamed by a man, achieved by a boy. I am now allowed to make decision, only by the permission of others. I am free to roam free, only to announce my departure and arrival and answer questions. I am responsible for things thrown to me. I am made to feel like a man with eyes looking at me as if I am still a boy. Yup, a restricted freedom.

In this cocoon, I think of what I could become and what I might become. I know my potential (I think) but will I work it to the fullest? Whose expectations will be met, mine or others? Do I chase dream or stability? What is stability? Will my body and soul be one all the time or will they separate at times due to disagreement of ideals? Those are some of the fights I have, within this cocoon..

I cannot wait for the day for me to be able to finally emerge from the cocoon and be what I have decided to become. A decision that I hope I will look back with a sigh, of relief because what is life if regret were the beginning.