Wednesday, August 11, 2010

I think I have made a mistake..

Earlier this semester, I had told everyone that I don’t have the feeling and drive to start my studies. I wanted to put my study on hold since I think I need some time off and take time to find myself again. But, it is just too impossible to be done since it is considered as a waste of resources, money and time. So, I try to put myself together, gather all the pieces from my shattered self and finally went to do my studies. I had a thought in my mind that along the way I will find my will to study again and be who I used to by, a studyholic.. a person who chose studies over entertainment. But, as time goes by, I dwell deeper into the abyss of self loathing and regret. How I wish I did not attend this semester. It is just too hard for me to bear. Too many things happen right now and they do nothing but stressing this humble borrowed body of mine. I am seriously worn out from all these pressure in life. It is nothing when you have the will to do things, but when you do things involuntarily, then, everything is a dread.

Now, I just want to rest. I even had the thought of extending my studies for this semester. But I don’t think I could do that since I am almost half way through the semester. A semester of loss. I had lesson, but I did not know what had I learned. Everything flies the moment they reside in my mind. I don’t think I could do good this semester. Man, I think I have made a mistake. A big one this time. I am so dead. I so wish that I could just sleep and get adrift in it. and wake up when everything is solved..