Day goes by..

Finally, internet is within my reach. That can only mean one thing, yes people, I am back in SA and my new semester has begun. Seriously, I want to focus on my study more this semester since I was so not focus about it last semester. All due to what? None other than the usual people of my age and stage of life most significant conflict; intimacy versus solitary. Or easier said love or more specific matters of the heart. Haha, very particular huh about a term. So, this sem, all disturbances form that matter are no longer exist (that means I broke up and had no one to rebound and seriously trying to move on), I surely hope education and studies is my new priority.

Oh yeah, we also have entered the New Year. Hello 2011, bye bye 2010. With this new year, I wish for all the good thing to come and make my life more meaningful and prosperous. No more heartache I wish. Friends, I hope I can get more of them later and achieve a few more success that I could be proud of. Hmm, okie, that is all for now. Later..

*new year*

I just cannot forgive you..

I am not a grudge holder. I do not hold grudge for people often. Most of the time, when people do wrong to me, I will take some time to think about it, get crazy because of it, cry because of it and finally let the thing pass through me. Grudge hardly clings on to me. Not to say that I do not hold any grudge at all, I do hold some that is too hard to be forgiven and forgotten. But none of my grudges are as bad as this one grudge I am holding for someone I used to call a friend. Let me assign the former friend as “IHU”

This one incident is still very much fresh in my mind. I am able to recall everything that happened and how much I despise that person for ever doing that to me. Seriously, that incident is so bad, I should have launched a report on it, which I did not since I considered IHU as my friend. I even got nightmares about it sometimes. To be honest, that incident took something from me. The capability to love someone, physically. Emotionally, I am able to love someone, but physically I became extremely defensive and a slight touch can cause me to be terrified of the person I love. I am just too scared. Thanks so much “friend”.

I cannot think of IHU, I cannot bear to look at pictures that have IHU inside. I cannot even read IHU name without despising from the bottom of my heart. After thoroughly thinking, I have decided that I will throw the memory away by removing everything that is connected to IHU. Seriously, I am deleting you, IHU.. do not ever attempt to get close to me anymore for that was the mistake I made that make me who I am now. I want to get over the incident and move on with life. I will think of you as a part of a bad nightmare that will be gone once I am awake from my sleep.. please, go away..

*trying to forget, not to forgive*

my dad is no longer with us.. Ayah..

my dad passed away..

i have nothing to write on it because i dont know what i feel about it..

i just pray that he will be placed with good and faithful people in the hereafter..

It looks like I will have to live with these facts..

First of all, I would like to apologise for leaving this blog for quite some time now. I have no internet connection in my house. So, even if I really want to use the net so bad, I just could not. Okie, actually I have been writing through this hiatus even though I did not publish the pieces. Mostly are updates and emotions, seriously blogging is something so close to me, I cannot stop. Among the topics are:-

• About my playlist, it understands me too much. It just knew what song to play according to my mood. Seriously, I love it but when I am sad, I hate it. Haha
• About being scolded by my parents for not depending on them (?!). Sorry, you guys thought me to back out from asking anything too much back in my younger years and now, I just do not know how to do it anymore. I depend on myself only.
• About the health issue. A lot of my family members are sick currently. Fever, dengue, torn muscle etc. I pray for good health here.
• About part time work. Not going to happen here. My dad is admitted to the hospital and I need to visit him every day.
But I want more money!
• About economy (?!). Price of fuel is up again and being a slightly fortunate has a lot of downsides.

That is what I have written during this hiatus. Hope to give you guys more updates okie.

*currently in an emotional storm*