Tuesday, December 28, 2010

I just cannot forgive you..

I am not a grudge holder. I do not hold grudge for people often. Most of the time, when people do wrong to me, I will take some time to think about it, get crazy because of it, cry because of it and finally let the thing pass through me. Grudge hardly clings on to me. Not to say that I do not hold any grudge at all, I do hold some that is too hard to be forgiven and forgotten. But none of my grudges are as bad as this one grudge I am holding for someone I used to call a friend. Let me assign the former friend as “IHU”

This one incident is still very much fresh in my mind. I am able to recall everything that happened and how much I despise that person for ever doing that to me. Seriously, that incident is so bad, I should have launched a report on it, which I did not since I considered IHU as my friend. I even got nightmares about it sometimes. To be honest, that incident took something from me. The capability to love someone, physically. Emotionally, I am able to love someone, but physically I became extremely defensive and a slight touch can cause me to be terrified of the person I love. I am just too scared. Thanks so much “friend”.

I cannot think of IHU, I cannot bear to look at pictures that have IHU inside. I cannot even read IHU name without despising from the bottom of my heart. After thoroughly thinking, I have decided that I will throw the memory away by removing everything that is connected to IHU. Seriously, I am deleting you, IHU.. do not ever attempt to get close to me anymore for that was the mistake I made that make me who I am now. I want to get over the incident and move on with life. I will think of you as a part of a bad nightmare that will be gone once I am awake from my sleep.. please, go away..

*trying to forget, not to forgive*