submitting.. to fate or defeat?

at the moment, i am hopeless and i am helpless. i have no idea what came over me and unable me to progress with life and studies to be precise. it is somehow i am stuck in a loop of stupidity and i cannot seem to snap out of it. i have been acting like i dont care when it is all in my head most of the time. then, i think of the consequences of abandoning it to me and others. i can foresee the future if the choice were made, but i cannot seem to kick myself to start. i am scared, no, to be honest, i am terrified by my own self. how indifferent by cognitive can be when my emotional is in turmoil. since when did the two part of myself decided to disassociate from each other? since when did i lose all control of my mind? since when did i became accepting to fate? since when did i start believing in fate and silver lining? since when did i succumb to defeat? so many questions, so little time left and if i am unable to get myself out of this abyss, i know i will stay in it for at least an eternity..