Monday, July 1, 2013

Failure is the option..

I tried my best. I tried to work under pressure. I tried to do all I could despite my brain decided to go against me. I wanted to meet people's expectation of me. Calling me able and all. However, for once I feel so weak. So hopeless. Like there is no way for me to get out from this pitch darkness in which the future is not in sight. I fear for myself but I am at my lowest at the moment and I am unable to help myself. My cries are unheard by many and most of the time I cry in silence or worst, in smiles. I showed a facade of a happy person when the truth is the essence of life is losing contact with me. I don't want to be a failure but that's the direction I am going. I am so gonna die. Inside but breathe this soulless vessels to satisfy others but I do not know how to. Eff am I rambling? I'm losing my mind and I am certain of that..

3 comments:

Haki said...

Sai, you and I are the only two people I know of who are in the DEEP end of this pool who have not quite given up yet.

I understand exactly where you are coming from. But, I KNOW we can DO this. I can see it. And when we graduate together THIS YEAR we are going to be fine and we are going to laugh and brag about today.

So, please don't give up yet. We still have time this month. All those bullshit ten-page assignments? This is just a little bit more of it. More bullshit. And no one can bullshit through things like a TESL students. Haha...

Let's not have a life for two weeks. But, let's party like crazy when we finish, bind, fucking turn in our thesis later this month.

I'm not just saying this, Sai. I mean every single thing.

We can do this.

Haki said...

*student

Haha... can't resist.

junior_sysco said...

haha, the correction part is kinda funny. well, the meeting with the supervisor went well for the topic but not as a whole. i was asked about extending it and to really consider it. i was killed with mercy because she was so nice and sympathetic but in the same time, unable to do things anymore to help me. so, the chance of not graduating this sem is just way higher than the chance to actually graduate.