Duvet weather..

Hahaha, the title is in reference to the weather on the first day back to work after a week long holiday. How cruel is nature to tease you as such. After a whole week of beautiful mornings, on the day that you should work your arse out, the duvet weather appears! Like why?? Ugh.. It just strengthen the love between my bed and I.. Hahaha anyway just telling that I am back to working and I will face this term with more optimism. HAHAHA

Break free..

The first month has passed and I must say, I am getting used to the job. Well, somehow I feel like this is something that I could do till I am quite old. Not in this environment though. Not to badmouth or anything, but the environment seems rather futile and stagnant. Somehow they're making changes for the sake of surviving, and not progressing. I miss intellectual talks and discussion I would have with my friends and colleagues previously. Well, maybe I have yet to get to know everyone. Despite tgat, there's someone who always share his thoughts with me regarding our work environment and I must say, I resonate to his thoughts. Yeay to finding similar mind.

Anyway, at the moment, I am enjoying a one week break from work. So happy to break free from that place. Not that it is a bad place but it just doesn't feel like home just yet.. Or ever.. Did not plan anything though for the break.. Mostly because of Aidiladha is in the middle of it. It's a big family matter for us. How I wish I can escape to somewhere on my own..

feeling old..

living among youths. yup, that is my life at the moment.i live with youngsters, who have yet to know the world, in their sheltered mind. how sweet is innocence.. only to taste the bitterness of truth. haha, i know i sound like an old bitter person but i guess hard life had made me into such a person. in a way, it's stimulating to see such innocence in action, where all dreams are possible and life is going to be like how you plan it. i remember being that person, though it was not for long. i learned about reality way too soon and it resulted in something incurable in me.

anyway, seeing their innocent thoughts, it makes me feel real old. like so old, i could be turning into dust soon! like seriously decaying as i am living.. or breathing more likely. am i still living? time will tell me that because for now, i am pretty sure i am in a limbo. whatever it is, i dislike youth for its innocence because the only good that comes from innocence is positive outlook on life and in my case.. you know how it goes..

call me Pops the next time you see me! hahaha

Still adjusting..

       A few weeks have gone by and by now, I think I am quite comfortable in my working environment. As for the drive, I was never the enthusiastic one and my goal has always been behavioural. I want to see changes and results and the process never mattered to me. I know some will say that this is not how the current practice should be but I believe in results and proven practice. But hey, they like me, I think.. Maybe because I am not that serious.. Whatever it is.. I think I will be fine.. For the next few years..

A week into..

It has been a week into the new job. To be honest, the feeling that I felt the most this week was doubt. I have no idea why but that's it. Maybe because I have not been in this field for more than a year now that this whole things feel weird in my point of view. At one point, I was so scared, I wished I did not make this decision. Lol, irrational me. Typical..

Overall, I'm hoping for the best and I hope to be the best. That's all for now.. Next week, the real ordeal starts..

Back to Nothing with you

We gave it a try. Again. We embraced the familiar physical to discover the alien souls that reside now. These souls, used to understand each other can now no longer sing the same song, finish each other's sentences and guess what's in each other's mind. We are now complete strangers with familiar faces. What time has made us into. It's ironic to think that at times we believe that love is timeless and eternal when the people in love are constantly changing.

After much thought, we decided that it is not wise to be together when the pieces don't fit anymore. We are like two pieces of puzzle, but from different sets. Not destined to be in each other's life anymore, as the complement. There's a missing piece in our love, but we are not each other's.

We are back to nothing. Not square one because there wasn't one to begin with. Let's move according to our separate paths now and maybe see each other along the way. Maybe not as partners, but passersby that meant something once upon a time.

I'm a fool for you.. And because of you..

All you had to do was made me remember how it was like to love you. How it made me feel. How we were together. You caught me off guard. I was at my weakest because of you and you lured me back into something you call a relationship. I agreed to the whole idea, because it was yours and maybe this time, you would be different. A person can dream eh? Well, the thing about dream is it doesn't always come true.

I've been single for way too long to remember what it feels like to have someone has my back, supports me, always be there for me. Somehow, when I agreed into this, these were parts of the expectations I had. I really hoped for these. Guess it wasn't true to you. For you, it'smore about the convenient of returning to the things you know, or you think you still know and in this case, the thing is me. You thought of me as a place that you could hang around and be all comfortable, like what we had almost 9 years ago.. People change.. I changed.. You changed.. We are no longer that 16 year olds.. We are basically strangers who knows each others' name and not more than that. How unfortunate for us to learn it this way.

The thing is, you're not alone when it comes to the convenient part. To tell you the truth, I am into it as well. I thought "well, now we can skip the part where I get to know you and just be in a relationship and continue from where we were before". But I forgot one major information, we hit the end of the road the last time. There's no continuing to that. Basically, we have to start over. 16 and 25 are 9 years apart and we've grown into different person in these years. We both forgot about this and now I feel like a fool. Because of you and for you.

To be honest, I don't know what I want from all these. Do I want this to be real? I am not even sure about it. The way you act doesn't help either. It's tiring being the only one trying when we all know it takes two to tango. Just.. Ugh.. I'm such a fool..

P/s: so sorry. I just have to write this down. This has been bothering me and I have no other outlet to say it except here. Yeah, despite saying I am a different person now that I am older, I'm almost 25 now!, deep inside, I can still find the trace of my younger self..