need it when i dont feel like having it..

seriously, that is what im feeling right now.. especially about love.. i need it very badly.. yet, im too lazy to fall in love again as what i got from it was nothing but hurt and pain.. it may sounds too pessimistic but that just it.. i dunno whether i still have faith in love.. but i believe one day this situation will change.. i really hope though.. although im currently in love with someone and without that person knowledge.. i just dont feel like taking the one more step because i might going to be hurt again.. hehe.. so coward of me.. i hate myself at the current time.. for having this emotional turmoil.. and the biggest problem would be i do not dare to share anything about my feelings with my friends because it is just too embarrassing.. i changing again.. god.. please bring me to the correct path.. this few days.. i started to become more spiritual.. haha.. that doesnt sound like me at all but it happens.. and sometimes i act differently and very conscious about what people think of me.. i need faith but i dont have it in anyone.. i dont trust anyone right now.. for god sake knows why.. it is necessary as i cant do anything all by myself but it is just too hard to give to people.. please.. shine some light of revelation on me.. and show that the world is not that dark.. there is always bright light in the end of the tunnel.. im currently in the middle.. i the middle of it.. let just hope i pass this tunnel before the light vanishes from my eyes.. where my soul and body will be apart.. and never to get together again..