Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Talking about you..

This came to me when a friend of mine addresses this problem. Yes, I always talk about my relationships and what I have done with my partners whenever we get out. I do not know why, but I just talk about it. Especially when topic of love is raised. Yeah, some unnecessary details also leak out when I talk about those. Somehow, I am sensing that those speeches are tiring them out. So, I think I will stop talking about relationships, unless asked. Seriously, I need to stop talking about my past relationships activities.

I think the whole reason why I keep on talking about those stories is because it is just so hard for me to swallow the fact that right now, I am single and alone. Yes, I know I have been saying that being single is okie and I need not worry about not having anyone. But actually it bothers me like very much. Gosh, I seriously need to learn how to live without a partner by my side. Although I have been single for quite sometime physically, but my mind is very much clinging on the memories that I have created all the time I was with my exes. So yeah, I am never really being single both physically and mentally. Seriously, I think of this fact of me as sad, but I do not know how to not dwell in it.

What I should learn to do is to cherish my own life and embrace my singleness. I should not depend on the memory of past relationships just to get on with life. I should be my own drive, not other people. But I know it will be hard to do so. All I can hope is that one day, I can live in the resent and do not dwell in the past and let it integrates with the present as well as the future. Then, I am digging my own grave since not moving on is the sign of a dead soul. Hey, I am too young to have a dead sol. That are a lot that I have yet to experience and heartbreaks is just noting compares to what future holds for me. I know this so.

p/s: what is kolah air huh? Water tub? Surely not bath tub..