Im not ready..

When we sit down in the quiet and stillness of the night, our minds tend to think about our lives.. whether we had live our life to the fullest.. things that we regret.. things that we wished we had done.. things that we want to do in life.. and many more.. usually in the silence of the night.. like any other people, it happened to me too.. due to the boredom that has been filling me this holiday, I spent most of my time thinking of what to do with my life.. sometimes my ambition seems so big until it feels like I could never achieve it in a million years.. and I can never escape from the topic of love in life.. reflecting at my current condition and behavior, I don’t know whether I will find someone who will suit me.. im not that choosy but.. to find someone who can stand me is a hard thing to do.. and failures from past relationships scares me.. will I ever settle down with one person?.. only time will answer that.. but for now.. im just not ready for a new relationship..

Besides that, im also not ready for a change in my life.. that is going to adulthood.. it seems so intimidating.. growing old means more responsibilities lies on my shoulder now.. im going to make many decision on my own later.. decide what is the best for me.. and choose the path of my life.. and yes, I may stumble along the path and have a few (maybe a lot) of regret but that is what I have to face.. adulthood for me is a scary business.. but I cannot forever stay a teen in mind.. I need to grow up.. if not now, later in life.. but growing up is compulsory..

One thing that I will never be ready for it is failure.. although I hate it so much.. it happens.. and it always struck me at bad times.. im so not ready but I have to make preparation to face it.. mentally that is.. if only I could evade failure forever.. but that will make life seems meaningless.. no adventure in it.. like what people always say.. no pain, no gain.. seriously, failing to do something is worst that eing dumped.. haha..

Okie, that’s it for now.. im not ready to write a new post anytime near..

*unprepared*