peace at heart...

for the past recent years of my life.. my heart was never at peace.. there are always something that would bother me.. and somehow i cant get out from the turmoil.. and still i dunno why these things keep happening to me.. last year has been very dramatic as i go through life changing phases and learn more about life and what it can give you.. this year, my life is more subtle, but still, no peace at heart.. im still troubled by things.. things that i never intended to think at first, yet it finds it way to my mind.. and my emotion has been so unstable until i could like and hate a person at the same moment.. can you just imagine that.. but mostly the turmoil are cause by none other but love.. haha.. the things that some people chase the most.. i tend to get myself into relationship that is so crappy until sometimes i wonder will it ever works.. lol.. and nowadays, if there is anything that is disturbing me.. i wont share it.. but i would make it so personal and i hate that thing.. i just keep on piling up more and more emotion.. and never express them.. maybe im scared that people will perceive me as bad.. whatev.. i feel so helpless and powerless right now.. im no longer the guy who would stand for what he want and care less about what others feel.. arghh.. what i really want right now is peace at heart.. get away from all my problem..

*looking for peace*