I finally figured out..

This week has been nothing but exposition. It has exposed me to my inner self, more than I usually try to do on my own. It started with the death of my grandma, a very sad and rather regretful thing or event to happen in my life. Sad, of course because I lost someone so dear to me, a woman who give birth to my mom, who used to be a replacement parents for me when my parents were not near and of course, someone important in my mother’s life, a woman who had shaped her into who she is today. My grandma is important in our family to the limit. Regretful, since I last met her was a few months back. How I wished I have met her more recent. I went back and attended the funeral. It was a sad and rather full of cries and tears. There were several heart touching moment to me especially the time when my granduncle was reciting the Talkin (a ceremony in muslim’s death), can you imagine how hard it was for a brother who regards his sister more than just a sister, but also a mother, to say goodbye and farewell to the sister? It was hard for him, that I am sure. I love kissing my grandma, I am among a few of her grandchildren who actually kiss her willingly (you know, when we grow older, we tend to be embarrass to do so) and kissing her forehead for the last time is just …. I am at loss of words to express my feelings. I realized one thing back then, I do have feelings. The soft emotional side of me still works.

Then, about Tower, I have realized that there is no point in chasing the person anymore. I will never get Tower, that is for sure. We lived in different world and there is no way Tower would ever consider me to be dearly to ***self. Although my existence is to acknowledge, but there is no way we are in the same league. So, I think it is about time for me to back off and move on. I am going to bring down the Tower to make space for new development. You know what I mean.

*clarified*