Why....

why it is so difficult for me to accept new people in my life?.. why am i making a very thick barrier between me and people who want to know me?.. why am i not that friendly and able to make friends in a sec?.. why i found it difficult for me to say my feelings out loud to the person that i love and adore the most?.. why am i very distant from certain people who just want to get closer to me?..
is it because im afraid to be hurted again.. is it because im just not friendly.. is it because im just a social outcast.. is it because i always think that im not good.. is it my thinking that doesn't allow me to be more friendly because im afraid people will start judging me.. is it my nature that i hate when people hate me and i want to be liked by everyone.. is it my fault that i am all alone right now?..
if i am the whole reason why i am alone and reclusive, why i feel sad and bad about it?.. im the one in fault.. im the whole reason why..
sometimes, i wish i wre someone else.. who is not analytical and can be more free.. free to do thinks according to my heart.. not totally controlled by my mind.. able to make friends quickly.. not being a social outcast...

just hate these questions.. which keep on bugging me.. day and night.. without rest.. please.. take a break.. leave me alone, questions...

*emo*