Haish, lately I have become so emo.. I don’t really know why.. maybe im affected by those who are near me.. for God sake knows why, I am somehow surrounded by emo people lately.. emo here means highly emotional people, not those of fashion sense.. how I wish it was the second group.. at least they are to my interest.. anyway, thus I have been posting a lot of emo status updates on FB.. and some of them is actually real expression and confession of what is within my heart.. especially the part where I said most of the time I am just faking it.. I am not totally happy or okie with people surrounding me.. it is because here, I can never really become my true self.. my actual self is considered out of the norm.. just because I somehow don’t like care and don’t know how to show affection doesn’t mean that I am heartless.. although I must say I am quite cold-hearted at most time.. and some people ask whether it is worth it to expose what you have been doing all these times to people ( faking to them that is).. I think it is about time I stand up for myself.. so what if you guys cant accept the person I am.. I can accept you guys just the way you guys are.. so, please do the same for me.. because if not, sorry I must say in advance because what I am going to do is beyond my knowledge.. I might just ignore or worst still, forget your whole existence.. had done that before.. didn’t wish to do so again.. but if situation demands for it, I will not hesitate to do so..
No people, I am not mad to any of you guys.. the person I am most probably mad with is myself.. because I failed in this subject in life.. LV 101 Honesty to Self.. so, im repeating this subject again after taking it for such a long semester ( 3 years at least).. so, I am just going to be honest with myself and I hope most of you going to accept me the way I am.. because I have done that to all of you.. I am not trying to be authoritative and trying to impose to you guys on what to do with me.. it s just that I think it is time I become myself and be accepted for it..
For the record.. forgive all the vulgarity coming out from my mouth this lately.. due to this crisis in life.. my mood fluctuates inconsistently.. girls especially, sorry for you guys have to bear with all my nasty words I have used which is so chauvinist.. well, I might look feminine on the outside, but sometimes, a chauvinist at heart okie.. hardly a feminist.. sorry.. whatever it is, accept me for who I am..