Thursday, November 4, 2010

and you chose to..

*this is a continuance from “sorry..”*

Perth made me wait for 3 days. In the mean time, I busy myself with all the studying. But, I cannot study at all. My mind wonders around. At times, I am worried sick about what would Perth answer be. Seriously, this is the first time I am at no power in deciding where the relationship goes. Perth went invisible on the net and I got no way to contact Perth. How I wish I have the international number.

I don’t know what to wish for. To stay in the relationship? I have done a lot of cruelty to Perth seriously. I have made Perth wait for 2 years, see and call only when I got no one else, treat him like a second best and many more actions that I am no way near proud about. To get over with the relationship? Seriously, I need Perth to hold me together as I am one wrecked mess and Perth was one of the people who know how to put me back into one when I am all shattered down. Perth has always been my comfort every time I am sad and broken and always have something wise and mature to say when childishness take control of me. No matter which decision that Perth make, there are pro and cons. That is the norm of life. How I wish sometimes it is always for the better only.

As I was browsing through my email, Perth starts the conversation with me. That is a first since usually I will be the one starting the conversation, not the other way around. I sensed something not good will happen. I still keep what is left in the Pandora’s box in my heart. Hope. Perth wrote

“I’ve made up my mind”

I was shocked by the answer but not really a surprise. After all the harm I had done to the relationship, it is not hard to think of the worst. But, feeling being left alone for the first time seriously shocked me. That is a first. However, I kept my cool and accept the decision. But deep inside I wanted to cry. But I kept all the tears inside. Never to be out. Maybe once everything is just too unbearable, then they will roll out from my eyes. For now, I am yet to cry. I just realised, Perth is the only person who had made me cry the most. But one thing that is quite comforting is Perth gave me his word about I can always tell my heart out like the usual, and when we found new partner, our relationship will stay like the usual, not to change. Okie, at least I did not lose a friend. Then, we went offline.

I am still very much hurt by what happened. Not angry of Perth, but myself for making the mistake that I should have not done. But what happened, happened. I think there is silver lining behind what has happened. At last, the both of us got to move on after the 3rd breakup already. I wish for all the best.

*sad but moving on*